Update: loving my Mac.

Got up at the crack of dawn (well, not quite...) but close enough (at 7:30am) to head down to the closest (and only) Harvey Norman to buy myself a Macbook Pro for $1570... which is usually $1899.


A rather good deal except I am missing Windows so much. All I can think about is is the fact that Windows 8 is also rather confusing to use for the technologically inept like me.

This email I got from my dad today. I almost cried. And it reminded me not to be so shallow. Or proud.
And to remember Who got me to where I am today.

Hi xxxxx

 

Over the last year and a half, I finally experienced how God's grace working all the way through.

 

While you failed all your interviews in Wellington for the intern placement last year, I was upset but I have a funny feeling that God was shutting all your doors in Wellington.(you didn't even get the one that you put your name before your flatmate, it was very weir ). i believed God want you to stay in Dunedin.

 

When you had your Achille ruptured, it was very distress to us as a family, You probably asked why that happened. I think God wants you to learn how to rely on Him. Remembered I said to you that if the accident had to happened, it actually happened at the perfect time, just imagined if that happened during the year, it would affect your study, school and exam etc. On the other hand, if that happened any time during your intern placement, the whole placement would be screwed.

 

When i accompanied you back to Dunedin at the beginning of the year,, it wasn't a easy time for me, and when I saw the road leading to your flat was so steep,my heart was broken. I asked God so many times why He arranged you to live there if He knew that you were going to injury yourself. But the only thing I can do was to ask  for God's protection for you, esp. you have to drive to work in your moonboot and had to stand long hours with your injury. i stared to pray for you 3 times a day.

 

Now you are given both the pharmacist qualification and medical school entrance from God. You can earn good money with your job possibly during term breaks or year end to help with expenses. it is God's grace.

 

You may ask me why God did not let you entered into medical school in first instance. i don't know. i guess may be after these years, you learn to be more mature to handle things, and with your pharmacist study, it will make your study more easy in the coming year. Whatever , I will still think that God got good plan and grace on everything.

 

Dad   . 

ACCEPTED


into



MEDICINE.
boom.



Please call me a dispensing doctor in five years time.

(Second) best day since the day I got dux: REGISTRATION!


Actually scratch that, I think today wins.

All this waiting... it's worse than when my Achilles tendon ruptured. I can only sit tight and just wait... and trust in God.

Today I was told by a patient (who was such a wee nice old man) that he was so thankful that he "could cuddle me" but he "would get into trouble" if he did.

Also managed to score a pure leather purse for only $3 from an op-shop.

And most surprising of all, an incredibly understanding boss when it came to my plans for next year.

All in all, a much better day, thank you God!

Well, good to see that my boyfriend's ex is looking pretty hot these days. Probably should tell him no backsies. If she was that good looking four years ago, perhaps he may not have cheated/cut the lunch...

That is irrelevant. I refuse to eat snack food now.



Postscipt: ooh. it's an engagement shoot. LOLS. 

Went to the crappiest yum cha of all time today. We were there for an hour before they brought out two measley dishes. Then they took another forty minutes before they brought out the rest. And they were still missing two dishes from our order. So I had to go up and insist in my most assertive pharmacist voice that they still owed us two dishes. And I also would have liked to add that their service was positively sh-iiiiit.


Also, being scrutinised by your boyfriend's mother and her best friend is rather awkward. Well, not scrutinised. More like admired. Having my hairstyle and outfit being praised copiously is awkward. But flattering too.

And being told by a professional opera singer that I have a good voice is also immensely flattering.

Right. Let's do this. Either I crap my pants tomorrow at Assessment Centre, or somehow I will end up emerging as a fully fledged pharmacist.

Car ride home from the airport. And the first conversation with my mother involved talking about my virginity. Needless to say, I was supremely amused.

Today my uterus decided to rebel against its master. But I am so thankful that it decided to pick this week as opposed to next Tuesday because I could not think straight at all due to the pain today.


Have also decided that pimples are like the hydra... pop one and another seven pop up in the place of it. Heinous motherf*ckers...

I hate acne. Aarrrrrgh why must you come back to plague me AFTER adolescence?

I think I've made my mind up. Also, I have the queerest feeling in the world: I am both dreading and looking forward to next Tuesday.

I should stop grumbling when life is like "Oh hey, here are two equally delicious looking dishes. Pick one." Well, that wasn't an entirely accurate portrayal of my life, but it's close enough. The boss has made a formal job offer for me to stay on... and the pay is much above what newly registered pharmacists earn. It's like... an iPhone in one week.


On the other hand, I don't want to regret my choice in five years time when (if) I am a spinster with a million iPhones (cats). I know that a degree in Medicine will stimulate me and will continue to for the rest of my life. Thing is, if I do end up with a family, I refuse to do the doctor thing and the mum thing half arsed. Which is what I will invariably end up doing because I can't see the two co-existing that well. Which leads me to the conversation I had with E. this evening:

E: Oh snap. Are you leaning towards anything at the moment?
G: Nooooooooooo. Well, I would be if you would propose already
E: Even if I was Christian right now, I wouldn't propose.......


... because facebook proposals suck

sfdlkdsflkdsfkljsfdlkjsdflkjsfdlkjfdsjklfdsjklfsdjkl must tear out hair in contemplation of life and goals in life. Also, the episode of Downton Abbey really put me off having children. I don't want eclampsia, thanks very much. Although, this is 2012 and Downton Abbey was set in 1920 when they didn't use IV magnesium, labetalol and salbutamol for the treatment of eclampsia. Oh, and a caesarian delivery, thanks.

Two things make me miss the North Island: the lack of Ya pears and Chinese vegetables. 

Also, threw a shit fit at my flatmates because I got sick of cleaning up the kitchen after them. Needless to say, it is now supremely awkward. 

I swear, I am going THROTTLE the imbeciles in the flat next door if they keep on pumping up their STUPID bass at 12:20am. Luckily, I don't have exams but I would ideally like a good night's sleep. Clearly they don't have exams because they probably would've failed all the internals.



I hope it rains and lightning tears apart their house.

Well, I got yelled at by a patient today. Granted, she has a reputation for being a grump, but today she pretty much unleashed it. No swear words, thank goodness but pretty much "I'm travelling today... how you could forget those two repeats?" and "I wasted so much time thinking it was my fault that I couldn't find them... but it was actually YOUR fault" and "Now I have to walk to the bus stop because I missed my ride" and the like.



It's quite odd having someone rant at you. Needless to say, I burst into tears as soon as she huffed and puffed her way out of the pharmacy. It was deeply mortifying but at least I was pretty much left alone for the entire afternoon. Which was a nice change from the norm.

Woke up this morning with E's pajama top wrapped around my waist. It was almost as satisfying as having his actual arm wrapped around my waist. Keyword being almost.

I'd do a countdown, but coincidentally, the day of our joyous reunion is soured by the four hour horror that is Assessment Centre... a.k.a. the day where people decide whether or not I deserve to be in a higher pay bracket. We're looking at a 100% increase of my hourly wage here...


Also... the words 'four hour horror' seem to flow quite nicely. Probably because of the repetition of the various 'O's, 'U's and 'R's.

Damn it, E! Why can't you be taller? Found the cutest pair of black platform sandals for only $15... and I can't buy them because I would tower above him. Grrrrrrrrrrr

I cannot WAIT till after Assessment Centre... I can finally paint my nails again. They look so naked without any colour, the poor babies. And they've finally stopped peeling. Yusssssssssss

You and I, we may not be picture perfect. But we fit perfectly together in our own quirky little way.

Domperidone can be used to treat GORD that is non responsive to histamine receptor antagonists. I thought it was weird when I saw it on a script, but hey, you learn something new everyday.

Also, less than a month until I see E!!! (also, less than a month before Assessment Day, a.k.a. the day of doom, but we're ignoring that)

Sometimes, I feel too content and happy and I miss angst. Then I realise that I should probably stop spiralling down in this rather destructive thought pattern and ruin my own happiness.

So there you go, E. You have successfully made me into one happy marshmallow. I don't know how you managed it despite my trust issues, but I am incredibly content, even though you are not here with me.

I need alone time. Well, I just need to sleep in. Daylight saving does my head in and I wake up feeling that my quality of sleep is rather shoddy.

I am refusing to play any more piano until after Assessment Centre. And B. can play as much as he wants until then because I honestly cannot be bothered trying to play as well as him (admittedly, he plays very well). Bro, if you want to play, then by all means. Unfortunately, Aunty picked me. Sucks to be you. 

Thank you God for a good day at work today. I really needed that breath of air or I was going to drown.


Have also come to the conclusion that New Zealanders are becoming increasingly xenophobic. The winner of the AMP People's Choice Scholarship was won by a school girl of Palestinian ethnicity. The things I have been reading just make me sick. People are claiming that this girl's cause was advertised on Palestinian radio  so apparently hordes of "angry Muslims" voted for this individual and that AMP caved due to "terrorist bombing" fears. Might I mention that the runner-up was a Pakeha school girl who "wanted to be New Zealand's best cardiothoracic surgeon"? Darling, that was my dream too. Unfortunately, I didn't get into medicine and there is no certainty that you will too. People need to grasp that.
And listen to yourselves! Apparently curing diseases is better than helping old people. That is not a valid reason as to why one girl's cause was better than the other. One day your flesh will wane, and heaven forbid that your grandchildren will one day refuse to help you simply because you are senile.

Aaaargh. Note to self: must buy size 8 now. May have to take dress in.

I saw Pitch Perfect last night and it was so, so funny. It makes me wish that we had acapella groups at university. And I have decided that it doesn't matter what a boy looks like as long as he can sing because honestly, those boys weren't lookers but they could sing my panties off. Not literally, obviously.

And racism is rampant in our fair country, I am afraid. I hope you heard the inflection in my voice when I said the word 'fair'. I would like to mention that when our small group went to lunch at St. Clair that people were staring/making faces rather rudely. What is UP with people staring at a large group of Asians who are sitting down to have lunch? For fuck's sake - we were all talking in English so I don't know what your bloody problem is. It has gotten to the point where I am almost ashamed to hang out in a large group in public with other fellow Asians, simply because I can literally (yes, literally) see the racism dripping off our fellow diners. What, should we be chowing down fried rice in a fish and chip shop? Well, fyi... you can lick the grease off my fingers after I'm done serving you your sweet and sour pork, you hypocritical bastards.


Also, daylight saving and I are not the best of friends. I am feeling rather zombie-esque today.

Couldn't help it. Bought two new nail polishes and proceeded to do nails. May my nails peel. I am very impressed with Loreal's new gel formulation though. Even though I required two coats, they dried very quickly and I feel that they may actually be conducive to holding my fragile nails together.

Also apparently I have lost 4kg? Perhaps it was the 9km I ran yesterday...

Why oh WHY did I have to start reading a mystery series... only to discover that the author has since died without finishing the series?!
It already takes me a while to get into a particular series and to learn this... it's just sad.



Also to the bitches on medstudentsonline. I just want to bitchslap some of you. You honestly must have NOTHING to do if you spend all day reading blog posts on people's profiles and commenting that they should belong elsewhere. Just 'cause you're a second year med student doesn't mean you own the world. Sometimes, I think I want to do medicine just to show stuck up second years fresh out of HSFY that they know shit all.

So I was driving around today trying to find a place to park so I could get coffee and sushi because I hadn't eaten for about uh... sixteen hours due to the return of my IBS (which had kept me up all night as a result of the pain and my own stubbornness about taking pain relief). Understandably, I was feeling rather hypoglycaemic.

It was a busy day in town because it was sunny and so car parks were scarce. Drove around the block once and voila! A parking spot materialises right opposite Starbucks.

Lesson of the day: God is awesome. And He knew that I needed coffee.

Pharmacy Revue: thumbs up for costume. Thumbs down for cracking jokes at the wrong lecturers.

Also, my uterus hates me. It was like "Hey, you haven't heard from me in fifty or so days. FEEL MY PRESENCE, BITCH."

E, you make me smile both in my dreams and in real life.


Also, to the fat bitch that rushed me out of the handicapped shower - yeah, I heard you. You tried the shower next door and found that the water was too cold and then told me in a pretentious voice to hurry the fuck out of the shower. Granted that I too, am not completely handicapped. But at least I have a valid reason seeing as I have a bung Achilles tendon.
I didn't know that obesity was a disability.

Hey K. I've decided that you are my least favourite sibling out of the entire family.

If I am ever required to become inebriated, I have chosen my medium for which I shall attain such a state. Half a bottle of Banrock Station's Moscato and I am honestly the happiest chap in the universe. The stuff goes down like sparkling grape juice, which  I suppose is an advantage AND a disadvantage in itself.

E. simply laughed at me. Wearily, mind you, because all his brain cells were pre-occupied with study. But then I told him the story of when M. and I were driving to St. Clair and lo and behold, this massive mosquito-like insect was humping the rear view mirror. It had a body of about five centimetres and was as thick as a bobbie pin. Ugh, even thinking about it give me goosebumps. Anyway, it had these wickedly long legs which, on an actual person, I'd probably be damn envious about. But because they were on an insect, it was just horrifying. Anyway, I stopped the car on the side of the road and M. got out of the car screaming like a banshee. Meanwhile, I was trying to swat it out of the car with a rolled up map that I had found in the glove compartment. Managed to successfully hit it but then it simply disappeared... which was probably not an ideal outcome. Eventually, M. got back into the car and juuuuust as she was about to reach her fingers into the car door handle to close the door behind her, she looked in the little depression and realised the insect of doom was sitting in there. Cue screams galore. We eventually managed to fish it out and people around us were wondering why two Asian girls were screaming their heads off on the side of the road.

E. laughed. A jolly full-hearted laugh. Then I slept like a log.

I am a bitch. And I need to stop playing with people's emotions.


But it makes me think. What if I had met him first? Would I have gone out with him instead? Which means... did I only go out with him because he came along first? I know I love him... but I know definitely that love came much further down the track. But did I only pick him because I was simply curious and he was the first person with a Y chromosome to show interest?

These are thoughts which I do not wish to dwell on.

This weather is atrocious. You'd think that by September that we'd be over the snowy season. Dunedin clearly thought otherwise. It honestly looks like mid-winter somewhere in Europe outside. This would be something that I would normally jump with glee over but I am not anticipating driving into work tomorrow in these conditions.

A side effect of watching 50/50 (Joseph Gordon-Levitt is such a sweetie) and reading such books like 'The Fault In Our Stars' is the fact that I reaaaaaaally want to tell E. that I love him. All the friggin time. Except I can't quite bring myself to say it, 'cause you know, once you say things multiple times, they sort of lose their meaning.

So there you go, E. I'm sending you some 'I-love-you' vibes now.

I just finished "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green. It was beautiful. I don't want to spoil it with my own words because it is honestly such a literary masterpiece.

"I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

My room is rapidly accumulating books. Why oh why did I have to remember why I love reading at this time of the year?

Also, I appear to have lost two kilos since the commencement of physical activity. Lovaaaaley. Honestly though... I am craving junk food like a crack addict. It sucks knowing that I am going to have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to maintain this weight. I crave cakebrowniechocolatehotchipsdeepfriedfoodsMacdonaldsKFC aaaand a whole host of other foods. Well, it's not like I haven't stopped eating the aforementioned foods completely. It is all moderation. And knowing that I have to run 45 odd minutes to burn off a slice of cake doesn't make me really eager to eat a lot.

In other news, I have finally handed in all necessary paperwork for my application. Still am nowhere closer to deciding whether or not I want to be married to a doctor or simply be a doctor myself.

I FIT INTO MY JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now to make them loose.

I have to say it. This change... alarms me. And no, I don't feel like arguing my opinion. As you are all entitled to your shouts of triumph, I am also entitled to my cry of despair.

Conversation between E. and I:

Me: they need fairy lights lol. white only works if they have fairy lights. black and fairy lights however just looks contrived
E: lol you're going to be so good at planning
Me: this is why i will turn into bridezilla
E: do i have to help or can i let you do all the work
Me: how do i put this delicately... you have to care enough to have an opinion. but if i disagree, i will veto your opinion lol

Practising calculations for the calculations test on Wednesday using resources on FastTrack Pharmacy website. And I got to use a simultaneous equation to solve a problem!


My inner ten year old (I remember that it took many tears and tantrums before I understood them) is currently dancing triumphantly.

Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt should hurry up and get together. Because if I can't have him, I will be at least, equally happy if they were to get married and lots of children.

And I need to ban romances from my reading list because they make me miss E. even more. And the worst thing? I have another TWO months before I see him. Oh, and I also need to sit my pharmacist registration exam before then. So it's not like I can look forward to the 8th of November with unbridled excitement.

fdskjdsflkjsdfjlkdsf TWO months before I sit my exam. Cue internal screams.




Also dads are awesome. Because they always know what to say.

I need someone to understand the significance of my work-mother leaving the pharmacy. Not only do I lose my mentor, but it also means that a shitstorm of SIGNIFICANT proportions is about to hit the fan.





I think I need to scream with despair.

That dog is going. T O M O R R O W.

I shall stop fearing each step I take outside of my room because I don't know where the dog has shat. Life has improved significantly.

Also, make up sale tomorrow? Yessss please.

Ah, J. Is the only reason why you seem to have cut off all communication is because your girlfriend forbids it?

I suppose I know how that feels, so fair enough.



Can't grumble that the dog is going... it goes for dumps and pisses everywhere.

Twenty two. Nope, there is no sugar coating this.


I am officially OLD.

Aaargh Telecom. Why must you release such an awesome prepaid plan? How am I supposed to explain away the fact that I just spent $100 for a new phone? And having only one phone would definitely make things easier...


First world problems. I should stop complaining now.

I cannot DEAL with the sheer amount of engagements that are happening at the moment. Why can't people wait till a decent age until they jump into bed with each other?





Also, A. You are honestly, the most infuriating man I have ever had the misfortune of knowing/crushing on. That smirk on your face(!) Even in photos I am suffocated by your pompousness and grandiosity. One thing I never quite understood: why on earth do you think you can save the world? This is a question that I would like to ask you one day. Such a pity that you're probably going to be the next Al Gore or someone similar. You probably google your own name too.
... that was unnecessarily bitchy. And somewhat bitter.

I have learnt what the phrase "dog breath" truly means. Also -



Hmm. I appear to have lost my train of thought.

Note to self: one day I am using the long part of the pharmacy label and drawing moustaches on them. Then sticking one to my upper lip and one to Elton's upper lip and taking a photo.


Also, the dog has arrived. And I am IN LOVE.

My nails are peelingggggggg. Time to stop applying nail polish, methinks. Also, ran 8km at the gym today which makes for a very good day.



Also, headlamp on my car has blown. If it isn't an electrical fault, I should be able to get it fixed for an easy $12.50. Hopefully it's just the bulb.

Auctions on trademe are going swimmingly. Hurry and bid, peoples! I needs the moneys to buy myself that Dotti dress.

I am le tired. Note to self: one is never to stay out past 10:30pm on a work night. It would've been more horrible if my lovely flatmate hadn't done the dishes. The thought of doing them did plague my mind a little - mainly because I was worried that I'd make a lot of clattering noises.

But no. I can hear my two loved-up flatmates giggling away next door.





Kinda makes me wish that I did have dishes to smash around.

And the thief strikes again! Luckily enough for me, my appointment at the Health Science office was only five minutes so I managed to park without scoring a parking ticket.




Honestly, who the FUCK is poor and desperate enough to steal $4 (in coins) from my wallet? I'm just more annoyed at myself that I let it happen AGAIN.

sfdksfdlksfdlkjdsflkjsfdkjlsdkjlsfdlkjsdfkjlsfddfs

So for those who don't know, I used to be an avid reader on fictionpress. Also dabbled in writing for a bit... which reminds me, I need to finish those damn stories. It's like leaving half way through while singing a song, albeit a bad song. But nevertheless, it still needs to be finished.

So before fictionpress was overrun with badly written Twilight wannabe/vampire/paranormal a la Fifty Shades of Grey type stories, there were a few gems. One of them was 'Queen of Glass' written by S.J. Maas. It was a MONSTER of a piece and I still remember staying up till some ridiculous hour trying to polish it off. Anyway, S.J. Maas took it off fictionpress and ended up getting it published under the title of 'Throne of Glass'.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Anyway, I bought it today and I did enjoy it. I remember the champions' competition being my favourite part of the story, so I was glad that the book was rewritten to have this part drawn out more. I have to admit that I felt slightly disillusioned with the inclusion of the weird paranormal creature-like things that were being summoned. The supernatural part of the story seemed to be hastily added in and when I found out who was responsible, I couldn't help but feel a little cheated out of a proper antagonist. Also, the latter part of the story was slightly Tamora Pierce's The Song of the Lioness cum Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. 

And Celaena! How frustrating she was. I was cheering for Chaol and almost had my heart broken when she made out with Dorian. Whilst that part of the plot was highly engaging for me, I must say that Maas should tread very very very carefully, or else she will end up with a Edward-Jacob-Bellaesque love triangle... and by the end of that particular love triangle, I wanted to murder all three in a fiery blaze.

p.s. am I the only one who thinks the name Chaol reminds me of Smeagol? I honestly could not stop picturing Chaol as this creepy elf thing with loose strands of hair until halfway through the book. Whhhhhhy couldn't she have picked a more attractive name? His personality was attractive enough, luckily enough for him.

Things I enjoyed:

- the mystery of the murders (the explanation was however, rather shoddy)

- Nehemia's character/storyline

- Chaol and Celaena teaming up against Kaltain
- characterisation of the King of Adarlan

- Nox's character

- The Duke of Perrington and whatever scheme he has with the King; twas a nice fish hook, Ms. Maas

Things that should be changed:

- Chaol's name

- more background to the supernatural aspects because when that dream/vision occurred, I was wtf. And when she killed that creature, I was even more dumbfounded 

- need more fighting! She's meant to be a master assassin so I would like some more action plz. Celaena hardly breaks a nail in her duels

- more sexual tension between Celaena and Chaol... we have had enough of these near-kiss Dorian encounters. I was cheering for Chaol because Celaena's an ungrateful bitch and it took Chaol to kill a certain somebody to make her realise how much he loves her while Dorian stands idly by... I think it's time Chaol got some Celaena action, yeeeeaaaas?

Also, Dorian's character reminds me of Prince Jonathan in the The Song of the Lioness series.

So, to finish: I will read the sequels but pleasepleaseplease S.J. Maas, don't make me read the rest of the books just so that I can say that I have read all of them. Because that is what Stephanie Meyer/E.L. James did and I ended up questioning my sanity. 

I can only hold your hand when I sleep,
and hear your voice while I dream.
Your shadow is the only thing I remember,
a fleeting image in the corner of my eye.
Sometimes I think you might be standing here,
but when I turn around you simply disappear.
I dance with my memories around the room,
because I can no longer feel your warmth.
When I open my eyes I cannot see your face,
for you are a ghost haunting my every thought.

"sskkyyypppeeeyyy?"






Honestly bitch, the word you may be looking for is "skype". And if you do not desist from contacting my uh, boyfriend, someday, I will introduce you to pain because clearly you are looking for my fist also.

I jest. Well, not really. But sort of. She is of that name and how funny that another of the three deadly sins should appear so soon after the first one. Well, she's the one who I have a problem with mainly. Because she simply won't leave him the fuck alone. Also because she's a cheating whore. And I'm not just being a bitch because she did in fact cheat on her long time boyfriend while overseas and sharing a bed with another man. And while there were witnesses in the room. I wonder if she ever told her now ex-boyfriend the gory details.

One day, one day. I will do a Gossip Girl-worthy blast and tear her reputation into shreds.

Also, made my boss almost cry from laughter because I pronounced the name "Sinead" phonetically. FYI, it's pronounced "Shin-ad".

Definitely dislike any person with that dreaded name. It's like... I see it. And then I automatically suspect something, even though it's completely and utterly paranoid of me.

The gut is never wrong though. I suspected something with her. I knew that she was never that trustworthy. And now... with this one. I suppose it hasn't helped that I have heard that all sorts of boys develop hopeless crushes on her. Honestly, that name is like a fucking curse.

Clearly, I still do not trust him. Then, I figure that it all happened in the past. And I should stop wasting my time perusing things which I can't change.

Ugh. It is so exhausting being paranoid. I would much rather get a tub of hot water and use that new Natio foot scrub that I got today. But I can't because I can't be bothered talking to whoever is in the kitchen because I simply do not have the energy to make small talk.

It is so true. Poor people always buy expensive dogs.

Dear E.,

Thank you for taking my call when I was this close to bawling my eyes out in public over my stolen cash. You are a lovely boy.

Also, I don't feel so bad now because mum has offered to pay for the dress... heheh. Oh, mothers. Sometimes you love them and sometimes you hate them.
Mum: Why are you sniffling? Are you sick?
Me: No, I'm crying over my stolen cash.
Mum: Are you still crying over that?

Speaking of the dress, it is simply stunning. It's made up of dark matte blue sequins and the cut of the dress is tea-like so it doesn't look trashy at all. Also, I appear to have lost more weight because now I fit an extra small. (http://www.dotti.com.au/shop/en/dotti/clothing/dresses/pretty-sequin-dress) I think I could possibly go down to an xxs because the xs still has more room around my waist... but my boobage won't let me do so.

Also, saw Magic Mike. I thought I had developed quite a tolerance to uh, crudity, but this was crudity to the next level. By the halfway mark, I had seen enough of the male form, thank you very much Messieurs Tatum, Pettyfer and McConaughey. Honestly, I do not want to see another male arse for a very long time. It was honestly like watching porn on the big screen. And while I managed to sit through the entirety of it, I was very close to simply covering my eyes (like I did with Bruno).

I am le tired.

Dear E.,

Today was pretty uneventful. So tired though. I can't actually remember if there was anything of importance today. Passed the big assignment (got it back today), so I'm pretty happy about that.

Mmm.... nope. Nothing that comes to mind. I kinda want cuddlesssss.

Dear E.,

You seem a little more negative than usual. I was going to say something about it, but I figured you were stressed about class. And I was quite right, so I'm glad I held my tongue. Seeing as we aren't talking very often, I decided I would endeavour to record something down every day so that I could remind myself to tell you about it when we next talk.

So, I found out today that the boss is indeed looking for another full-time pharmacist next year because she wants to be the part-timer as she will have two children running around. Obviously, I haven't given my word (what with this whole medicine thing up in the air). But it's getting extremely appealing... what with the pay and all. And as much as I love hearing about the things you're learning while at med school, I can also see that it will be another five years of my life gone. And potentially the rest of my social life for the rest of my life. You should hurry up and propose. Because I would settle being a pharmacist for the rest of my life if it meant coming home every day to you. I told my mother this. And she simply laughed at me and said that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Anyway, things on the gym front are interesting. I feel more toned but when I weighed myself yesterday, I had only lost one kilogram. I do think I have lost some fat though because some of the dresses which used to be quite tight seem to be fitting much better now. Still can't fit comfortably into THAT pair of jeans, but at least I can squeeze my tree trunk thighs into them. Also bonus, my chest has not shrunk (thank goodness)... because if I was to drop down to an A, I would honestly bawl.

L. wants me to sing another song at her wedding. And I don't want to. It IS her wedding though. So, I figure I should be accommodating because if my wishes weren't followed (EXACT wishes) for my own wedding... well, let's just say that there WILL be tears.

Also, saw I. at my flat. He came over JUST to iron his shirt. Hate to say it, but that alone kinda outs him.

I think that's all I can think of at the moment. Also, sorry for seeing the first Batman movie without you. But I figured you wouldn't be sitting there admiring Christian Bale's body with me in one accord. I will watch the second one with you because I find it rather scary.

When did you stop dreaming? Because I never stopped. Not for one moment.

Ah, golden silence. I hope her period NEVER ends.

Rachel Dawes is very hard to please. First of all, she's not happy with playboy Bruce Wayne because he seems like a shallow hedonist. But when she finds out that Bruce Wayne is actually Batman (and is fighting crime and corruption), she's not happy either.




Honestly, who on EARTH would say no to dating Batman (and then break his heart)?! Ungrateful bitch.

I usually dislike taking medicine (which is ironic, considering my profession as a pharmacist). Nevertheless, the congestion has driven me to purchase some phenylephrine from the supermarket.




Or maybe I'm just a wuss. Am also dosing myself up on paracetamol and acetylcysteine. Just in case you're wondering, my phlegm is a lovely golden colour.

Also, hurrahs to the charming man who came to fix our hot water. No more covert visits to the gym just to use their showers. Yes, it turns out that our hot water cylinder threw a spaz (and not because two certain people have been doing it like rabbits in the shower). Nevertheless, I hope to never catch them in the shower again because once was enough for me.

I was an idiot. And he is a lovely boy. 

Also, I want to marry Christian Bale's Batman body. Specifically, his abs. Mmmmmmmm

Why do I have to pick this week to pack a sad? He's busy and so, even as wonderfully observant as he usually is, he is not going to pick up on the fact that I cannot fucking sleep because my mind has spent the last week wandering around, questioning every single bloody thing that he has done since that awful night he held hands with her.


Yeah, I thought we were over it too. Also, it doesn't help that when one has continually attempted to extend the hand of friendship, it has been rebuffed. It's like... I've tried and it kinda fucks me off because I get the distinct feeling that I am simply not sophisticated or cool enough. I don't do the begging puppy act well to anyone. Well, anyone except E. So yeah. There you go. A legitimate reason. 


Also, I hate being sick and having my period. 

So, there's a competition on at work. Guess the number of OPI nail polishes in the bottle and win 4 free nail polishes and whole heap of nail care products. I am staring at that jar until I get the magic number.

Also, I wonder what E. thinks of calling our kid Christian. Have to say, Christian Nguy does NOT have a nice ring to it. Christian Bale/Grey however...

Ugh. More sex noises. At least they have the courtesy to turn his music up. Still doesn't block out the moans. More livid about the fact that they've used up all the hot water. For the SECOND day in a row.

Oh great, they cleaned up the lounge and fridges. Awesome. I did that continuously for the last few months AND I managed not to use all the hot water up too.



LOL. So my other flatmate knocks on their door whilst they must be in their post-coital stage. There's silence. And then "Oh, sorry, I was asleep." Two minutes tick past till the door opens. I guess he had to put some clothes on.

Best thing ever? Flatmate has mononucleosis. So she is too weak to leave her bedroom. But clearly not weak enough to abstain from having relations. The result? They make out in HER room on the OTHER side of the house now.

I've never been so happy about someone having a contagious infection in my household before.

British accent + adept class + insanity = going to be an awesome playthrough of Mass Effect 2. I am salivating.

Another engagement? I may have to eat a hat now.

Just spent $284 on a gym membership. My bank account has never felt so bereft of warmth before.



I HAD BETTER LOSE SOME WEIGHT! Also, it doesn't help matters when E. now has abs. And not your token skinny boy abs too.
Do you know what I could buy with $284? CoffeeRevlonlipbuttersDressesSkirtsBootsFriandsSushiJewelleryMascaraBooksHammockCoatsBlousesPeterpancollarsKittensPuppiesMovieticketstoMagicMikeDessertGelatoPerm

Oh, wait. I just went a bought a coat anyway.










sdflkjsfdkjlsdfkjlsfdkjlsfdkjdsfkjlsdf ARE THOSE SEX NOISES I HEAR NEXT DOOR? WHY CAN'T THEY GO AND MAKE OUT IN HER ROOM?

Have decided that I would like to marry when older so that my future fiance will be able to afford a platinum engagement ring.

Note to older self: Chopin's Nocturne Op. 27, No. 2 is sooooo being played at my wedding.



p.s. Am loving my new detachable collar necklace!

The amount of people getting engaged is phenomenal. I know I'll sound like the Grinch who stole weddings if I say this, but honestly, this is getting ridiculous. We're only twenty one and I should not feel the rush to sprint towards the altar.




I swear, if another engagement is announced within these next two weeks, I will go and eat a hat.

Hello tax return! Let me introduce you to my wallet. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that you will not be staying long.

Also, people who refuse to walk on the footpath and walk down the road instead piss me off. Roads are for cars. Footpaths are for unmotorised peoples. And you are a jerk. With tattoos and a scary dog. So as much as I'd like to run you over, I'll refrain from doing so.

p.s. E, you are a mean, mean boy. One does not tell their girlfriend that your newly engaged best friend is visiting Dunedin but you will not accompany them because you have exam study. While I understand the rationale, I would have preferred not to know at all. It's like... hey little dog, I have a nice bone. Oh wait, sorry. You're not getting it.

On horrible days like this, I miss E. terribly.

I am a horrible person.

Need. To. Stop. Toying. With. People's. Feelings.



Also would appreciate it if vegetables make an appearance with my dinner. This may force me to go and eat some fruit because I'm afraid that constipation may be imminent.

Oh, and by the way nombre, you ain't foolin' nobody by closing your door. Might just turn my music up so I avoid hearing any untoward noises...





postscript: I think I just caught them showering together. dfkjsdflkjsdfkjldsfkjl
Shuddering aside, blackmailing material? DEFINITELY. 

Arse is now approximately the size of Beyonce's. Bordering on the size of one of those moonhoppery things that we used to sit on when we were kids.

(just in case you don't remember)

So, I started visiting the gym three times a week. And have weighed myself in the vain hope that within three weeks (and yes, it has been exactly 3 weeks since starting on the 19th of June) of starting my thrice-weekly visits that something might have happened. Alas, no such results yet. 

And my arse muscles hurt. So something should happen. I live in hope that one day I shall wake up and my arse will have shrunken enough so that I may fit my jeans again. 

No no no no no nononononononono.

You SILLY boy. I didn't realise that you had bought me diamonds.



Now I HAVE to read over your essays.
And I am officially a mega-bitch.

So I've decided that I should stop buying clothes. Because it is now to the point that I cannot wear everything at least once. Same goes for nail polish.

Today the pipes were frozen over at work so we had no water. Needless to say, I was immensely amused. Especially since I left the house without voiding my bladder because I was running late.

Have also decided I am refusing to write any more essays.

Also have decided that driving on icy roads are scary. And that for some inexplicable reason, I STILL dislike HER. Even though she's miles away in the North Island. After much thought, I still can't think of a proper reason as to why I resent her so much. Perhaps it's the name. I seem to dislike everyone who has that name. Except that reason is not a particularly good one.
Bah, she's not worth the neurons firing.

I also dislike hermaphroditic couples who are adjoined at the hip.





...I am such a bitch.

Oh, the dreams we have. For house with a room that has a wall made completely of windows. A grand piano sitting in the observatory. A house with a backyard for the dog. Gas powered stoves. If only they were plans and not dreams.

I wish I was British.

Oh, stop it. I am ever so amused. Why do people insist on posting their heart on their facebook profile page. The saying of "wearing one's heart on one's sleeve" is rather outdated. The stupid thing is that now everyone can see, not just you and your (unfortunate) other half. The only love I show publicly is my love for Sherlock Holmes. . . . . . Please don't make me vomit in my mouth with your affection. Besides, it'd just be embarrassing if you were to cheat on your beloved whilst abroad. Or fall for your boyfriend's best friend. Or move on after two months. Oh, scratch that, there's two people who have moved on in a shockingly little amount of time. Mind you, with the second person, it's been surprisingly slow. I'd made an internal bet that said person would've cheated on her boyfriend while she was back home.

Sunset embers smoulder in the dusk,
the gentle flicker of flames dissolve
to purple depths that slowly approach.
Golden leaves drag their feet along,
skittering across the cold pavement,
long shadows stretch their empty arms;
a lone dragon's breath drifting ahead
and I am finally able to breathe.

Oh, merriment. I don't know why, but I derive so much joy out of finding out secrets. It's a rather vindictive sport, but the dividends are oh, so so high.

One day, if I ever suddenly get speak with an accent, I would take on an English one. Not only do you sound sophisticated and ten times smarter, you also sound like you've stepped right out of a period drama. And I want to wear a pretty dress and drink tea all day. Oh, and sleep in a four poster bed.

Alas. I must be content with paying my rent and vehicle registration. It sounds so unromantic in comparison. In fact, work has made me contemplate hosting a parasite in my womb. And as my friends should know, I did have plans to make myself a spinster aunt who is married to her work. And now I would like to give birth. This is an odd change of mind.

Names: Zachary and Ariadne.

I take that back. Between working and trying to do my assignment, whilst trying to still have a life, time is just like sand running between my fingers.

I am bored witless... with no prep and no compulsive need to study, my evenings are filled with tedium. As much as I love sleeping in until 9am during weekends, I'm almost glad for work. I could study. But then again, who does that voluntarily?

I am currently tickled pink. I was worried that my room decor might've been slightly on the eclectic side... but it seems that I've garnered a few admiring looks.

Ughhhhh welcome to the post-E. hangover. Also known as the low after my high. I have to wait till April. A P R I L to see him. I swear, I didn't feel so down last time. Probably because I had friends around and also because I only had a month and a half to go. Oh, and the blindingly obvious fact that I wasn't supposed to miss him. And now because I'm allowed to miss him, I just feel all blue. Shades of violet and positively azure.

TWO SHOES! (nearly 10 weeks post injury). Still hobbling like an old lady, but at least I won't garner looks from everyone when I walk past. Ugh, I don't know why a moonboot makes people want to stare.

Good news from the orthopaedic registrar: he dismissed the ultrasound as being not a very good diagnostic tool and did a physical exam on my tendon. He was very pleased with how my tendon was healing up :)

It makes me feel much more relieved. Ah, now I feel quite alone with my dad gone. It's like my security blanket's gone and I have to do things for myself. I still maintain that my road is probably the biggest hurdle. Why did I pick such a steep road to live on?

Regardless, I am very much relieved (and thankful to God) that things aren't complicated further.

Life is hanging on the edge by the thread. And no one, except E. and my parents understand. I almost wish I didn't have that ultrasound done. It was done to ease my fears of re-rupturing my Achilles, but it seems that it may have created something else.

The radiologist who looked at my ultrasound says that my Achilles is not healing up well and that he recommends for me to have surgery. So on Wednesday, I have an appointment with the orthopaedic consultant over in the hospital. If I need surgery, this royally screws up the rest of my life. And I'm not being overly melodramatic. If I need surgery, I will go back home to Wellington. This poses a problem because I will not be able to do my intern year. Some of you may ask, well, why not do it next year? Well, because I want to apply for med. Well then, why not just do your intern year in 2013 and then apply for med at the end of 2013 for entry into the 2014 class? Well, because by that point, it would've already been 3 years since I graduated and so I wouldn't be able to apply for medicine under the postgraduate category, not to mention, waiting another year (i.e. 2013) to do my intern year means waiting out the whole of 2012... and every student knows that as soon as exams are over, you forget 90% of the material you study... therefore decreasing my chances of even passing my intern year in 2013 for a start. Oh, and for pharmacy, we need to be registered within 2 years of graduating.

Oh, and ACC won't pay for transport costs. Because I injured myself the day before I was in paid employment. Oh, I wish I had never picked up a badminton racquet. I also wish that I had surgically mended my Achilles when I injured it, 9 weeks ago.

It's so hard to trust God because at the moment, I feel so helpless. And no one around me seems to understand what sort of a hole I'm in.

I miss him :( in some aspects, this year will be harder than last year. Last year I didn't have a right to miss him. That was just enough to keep me from mooning over him like a lost possession. This year... I will need to try and take a step back because keeping my distance in terms of clingyness (yet maintaining that emotional connection) seemed to do the trick.

I can't help it. Every time I look at those graduation photos, all I can think about... is rage. In fact, all I can do is rage. Inexplicable rage.

A more pleasant note: my mother heated up my bean bag for my ankle but was busy when the microwave dinged. A moment later, I hear the microwave open and close... and my brother wanders into my room holding the bean bag. He's a precious one.

postscript: maple syrup and almond cake is divine. tastes like madeira cake
(http://www.grouprecipes.com/18417/maple-syrup-cake.html)... replaced the pecans/walnuts with almonds. added some texture.

Now, I know why patients are called thus.

Went to another physio yesterday - she was much more thorough in terms of her taking of my history and physical assessment. She didn't however, massage my calf... which was something that I had been looking forward to for the entire week. Lambasting physios has been somewhat of a favourite pastime this last week, because to me, I still have yet to find one that I like. Or maybe I'm just fussy.

She also made me walk. Unaided. Without my CAM walker on. I can barely heel-lift and toe-off as it is. In fact, I really wouldn't call it walking, more like an undignified shuffle. She's also added another exercise: standing on my invalid leg and balancing myself on said leg for ten seconds. And my goodness, are my muscles atrophied.

I am going to bake a cake this evening in hopes that it will cure me of this sudden rage that I feel. Or I'm just PMS-ing because my period is supposedly due. Either way, excessive amounts of sugar should do the trick.

Aargh physio exercises are so tedious :/ but at least my present for E. is going well. Painstakingly, I have painted words onto a pillowcase. So far, no slip ups. I have however, left the hardest word to paint for tomorrow.

I am so, so afraid of re-rupturing my Achilles. Been reading up on a few articles and surgical, along with the increased chance of wound healing complications has a lower rate of re-rupture. No pain, no gain, I suppose.

It wasn't me being afraid of surgery or its complications that made me pick the conservative route. After all, I seemed to have healed from my inguinal hernia repair just fine. It was more the fact that if I chose to have surgery, I knew that it would cause much more hassle in terms of someone looking after me. And stubbornly, I wasn't ready to come back home yet.

I just hope that I don't overwork myself and take myself back 8 weeks.

I've noticed my ankle gets reaaally stiff at night. Not too sure if this is just due to edema or my tendon stiffening up as the day goes by. I feel like an old woman who needs to massage/put my feet up at the end of the day.

Bought the shoes I've been after for a while now. And started making E's belated Christmas/early birthday present. It's going pretty well - a variation of this design you see here below in this link:
http://piccsy.com/2011/06/dreaming-ozytzlzdg/
Of course, my pillowcases are customised. Should be excitingness. I start the harder part tomorrow. Will require me to have a steady hand!

So I had a look around and saw a few people blogging their experiences regarding their Achilles tendon ruptures. Thing is, there's so few on people who went the non surgical/conservative route.

So, I figure I should add in something, should someone really need to compare/look.
Weeks 1 and 2:
plaster of paris cast (to allow for swelling). Foot in equinus. Have Asian mother who has insisted that I eat deer tendons. No harm except they taste like arse.

Weeks 3 and 4:
Fibreglass cast. Also in equinus.
Pain: minimal. Some swelling, which was more noticeable in the first 2 weeks post injury, especially if I had been standing on my crutches for long periods of time.
Frivolous detail: arms were not used to supporting weight, but got more used to it in weeks 3 and 4. Being in a fibreglass cast helped the most because it's way lighter than a gypsum (plaster of paris) cast. Also something to note is "cyclist's palsy". This occurred (and still does) when I've been crutching for long periods of time. Essentially the tip of my fourth finger on the side that has the affected foot goes numb. This is most likely from inflammation (as a result of me support body weight on to my hand) impinging the nerve that runs along that finger. It disappears after a few hours although I have noticed that the longer I crutch, the longer it takes for the numbness to subside.

Week 5:
In moonboot/CAM walker. Foot in 20 degrees. Also started doing some plantarflexion and dorsiflexion at the physio.
Pain: minimal (maybe 2/10) when I've pulled it too much up. It's more of an odd stretching feeling as if my tendon is reaaaaally stiff and I'm forcing it to move.
Frivolous details: tendon is as thick as ass. Some bruising and swelling is quite bad to the point that my toes stick together. Oh, and dead skin peeling when you finally get to shower is disgusting. And if you don't wash your socks often, your feet will smell bad.

Week 6:
Foot now in 10 degrees. Dorsiflexion and plantarflexion is coming easily now. Still limited ROM (range of motion) compared to my uninjured left foot. Also have started to put some weight on it when I use my crutches. Physio has added some isometric calf exercises to try and decrease muscle wasting.
Pain: same as above.
Frivolous details: foot goes blue when I stand for too long out of the CAM walker (e.g. when showering). Have started using wheat bag to increase circulation. Still swollen to the point where I can't see my ankles.

Week 7:
Foot now in neutral. Still limited ROM... not much change. Noticing less blueness when standing. Not sure if this is related to the wheat bag use. Swelling (edema) has decreased slightly, with the top of my foot looking less swollen. Have also started with some quadriceps exercise to try and improve strength as recommended by my physio friend. Tried walking without aid of crutches (whilst still in the CAM walker) today at the 7 week mark and can manage a few steps. Will stop because I don't want to re-rupture it. Physio has added a stretching exercise - where I put a length of material around my foot and push against it.

Was watching Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel... Don't know why, but why is heartbreak/unrequited love waaaaay more romantic?

Also, dskjsdkjlds Gilbert Blythe.

Note to older self: should I get married, I would like my hair in a side chignon.

(http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/229001/diy-wedding-updos/@center/272465/get-wedding-ready-guide)

Physio didn't change BOTH dials... at least, that's what I think. Ended up having to adjust one of the dials myself. It feels so odd not having my foot in plantarflexion.

Today my brother wanted to use my laptop. Note: he has a tendency to throw stuff and lick screens so naturally, I closed my laptop and said no. Brother simply runs out of the room. Five minutes later, mum finds him on my sister's laptop, looking up youtube videos of Blue's Clues. Further note: my brother has Down Syndrome and he's autistic.
Brother for the win.

Physio changed my CAM walker to neutral... an improvement, I suppose. Means I can put my two feet side by side finally.


fdljksdfkjdsf I want to walk. Especially since I'm being fed so well, I need to get myself moving again otherwise I'm going to look like a fat turd on two skinny atrophied legs.

Aaaargh! I reaaaaally wish I hadn't looked up spoilers for Mass Effect 3 :( Of course, I will think the very opposite, should E. choose not to play it with me in April.

But hmmm :(((((((((( Bioware, why did you have to kill off TWO of my FAVOURITE characters?!

Note to self: tell E. about the Mass Effect 2 DLC - Arrival

Was slightly disappointed when E. said he didn't want to talk because he was tired.

Got used to it after a moment.

E. said he'd call tomorrow from the airport.

Both suddenly had an "Oh, shit" moment when we realised that it was not going to be offpeak hours.

Decided to give up the rest of my minutes.

Utterly satisfied when E. said he was seriously considering coming back down south before starting med school for the year.

Brilliant idea: hiding deer tendons in wontons. Now I will happily eat them without gagging.