Life is hanging on the edge by the thread. And no one, except E. and my parents understand. I almost wish I didn't have that ultrasound done. It was done to ease my fears of re-rupturing my Achilles, but it seems that it may have created something else.

The radiologist who looked at my ultrasound says that my Achilles is not healing up well and that he recommends for me to have surgery. So on Wednesday, I have an appointment with the orthopaedic consultant over in the hospital. If I need surgery, this royally screws up the rest of my life. And I'm not being overly melodramatic. If I need surgery, I will go back home to Wellington. This poses a problem because I will not be able to do my intern year. Some of you may ask, well, why not do it next year? Well, because I want to apply for med. Well then, why not just do your intern year in 2013 and then apply for med at the end of 2013 for entry into the 2014 class? Well, because by that point, it would've already been 3 years since I graduated and so I wouldn't be able to apply for medicine under the postgraduate category, not to mention, waiting another year (i.e. 2013) to do my intern year means waiting out the whole of 2012... and every student knows that as soon as exams are over, you forget 90% of the material you study... therefore decreasing my chances of even passing my intern year in 2013 for a start. Oh, and for pharmacy, we need to be registered within 2 years of graduating.

Oh, and ACC won't pay for transport costs. Because I injured myself the day before I was in paid employment. Oh, I wish I had never picked up a badminton racquet. I also wish that I had surgically mended my Achilles when I injured it, 9 weeks ago.

It's so hard to trust God because at the moment, I feel so helpless. And no one around me seems to understand what sort of a hole I'm in.