I don't know what I want out of these present circumstances. Self preservation calls for me to sever whatever we have left instead of waiting for him to call the shots. And yet, I cannot bring myself to do that. Not while the hope of getting one last kiss remains.
I can't tell what I mean to him any more. It frustrates me because it's hard to even go through one day and not tell him that I miss him. But I also wonder at the logic of seeing him again. Because clearly, it isn't wise to continue doing what we do. The last time I felt like this, it took me a week to find myself out of this hole. However, I'm not strong enough to say goodbye for one last time. And so until I do, I can't complain about being passive because that's what I'm doing. Just waiting because I don't have the guts to do something myself.
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