Day Hundred and Thirty

Now that there's an answer, a line drawn, I don't know what to feel. Most of all, I just feel numb. And sadness. But there's almost a sense of relief because I've been waiting, fearing for this moment.

And it's here.

I've been wanting to draw the line, but I didn't have the strength to, couldn't bring myself to because I just wanted one last ...everything...
But now that it's here, where does that leave us? Am I just a friend? Or a close friend? What sort of friend am I?

And secondly, how much am I willing to give? Seeing as I can hardly be even bothered visiting friends if it causes an inconvenience to myself, let alone spending money to go to a different city. Anything I do stems from the fact that there's feelings at stake. And once you remove those feelings, I'm pretty sure I probably can't be bothered with all this effort.

Also, this means that he's trying to move on now. I haven't quite decided what I want to do. But it's becoming evident that if I don't get a move on, I will lose quite badly.
I just wish that there was one more chance to say goodbye. Because if I knew that would be the last time we'd ever let loose on those feelings, well.
Actually, I don't know. That goodbye was perfect. Better than the one a hundred and thirty days ago that was rushed and hasty. The timing of each thing was perfect, from the last hug, to those words that he said.

But I think I want one last kiss. Just so I know that it'll be my last one.