It's only been a few hours since I last saw you and we said goodbye to each other but I haven't stopped crying since this morning. Grief is a funny thing; you cry and feel like you just want to curl up into the foetal position. Then you go through a convalesence period, when you feel like you just don't have any more tears left and all the feeling you have left is a cold numbness. Then when you see something that triggers a memory, you start to cry again.
I feel so alone and isolated without you, knowing that I can't just call you and tell you everything that is on my mind. I can't even eat a meal without crying because I remember the way you divide up your meal into portions and eat each fraction slowly.
Part of me still thinks that when I come back next year that you'll be there to greet me. But then I remember that you're actually gone forever and you'll never look at me that way again.
I just want to come back and have you hold me together because it feels like every part of me has shattered and I can't find the pieces any more.
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