It's odd that the only two things that I'm looking forward to are:
1. Wednesday
2. Getting my letter
And both happen to be related to him.
Sometimes I wonder that if he no longer fulfills the reciprocal requirements (i.e. by being sensitive to my feelings), then perhaps it is no longer my duty to be understanding. My feelings about him are like a see-saw and most of the time, the seat is falling down - on my side. Sometimes I wish that I could stop caring instantly so that I am longer burdened by trying to make him feel okay or no longer disappointed whenever he lets me down. It's hard because I'm used to having his shoulder to lean on when things get rough. But now he's the one that's making me feel sad. It used to happen sometimes during our relationship, but he used to also be the one who made me happy again. And now, he has no duty to make me feel okay, so the see-saw seat is now perpetually plummeting down to earth because no one's there to catch me.
I can't spend the entire day moping and feeling sorry for myself. But I'm also not okay.
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