Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Day Forty Four

When I'm feeling crap, I find it best to dissect all my emotions and try to find the root cause of them.
Disappointed: because he didn't return a greeting. However, he no longer has an obligation to do that sort of stuff any more
Sad/miffed: because our conversations are lifeless

Bottom line: because I can no longer say things, actions are the only way to show how I feel (still). It's just disappointing that he doesn't show them so it makes me think that I'm just barking up the wrong tree. However, I also understand why he can't afford the time to mollycoddle my emotions - he's stressed over something else. It's a conundrum. I just wish that someone was around to look after me and listen to every single thing that makes me down because at the end of the day, sometimes I wonder if I've just got to take what's mine and just leave. But I know I can't leave - not just yet because the thought of him with someone else terrifies me like a nightmare.

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