#byeflat

it took me nearly six hours, but this flat is finally clean. who knew it'd take that long to only vacuum, clean the bathroom and wipe down surfaces? i am washing this all down with a lovely Monteith's cider. also, i think i'm drinking this too fast because it's almost halfway gone in the space of five minutes.

i'm quite sad to be leaving my flat. i took its cleanliness, natural light, peaceful silence (except for when my neighbours are having sex) and warmth for granted this year. i've only realised as i've been shifting stuff into my new flat, which is in contrast: dark, dingy and somewhat weird smelling. except i have no one to blame except myself because i was over looking for a flat.
ah well, it's only a year and i have a group of flatmates whom i'm excited to be living with. that being said, i've enjoyed living with H this year and i've learned so much from H. this year and i have no idea how we managed to keep the place warm and our bellies fed with smoked salmon, bacon and egg pie, countless ciders and Dice Days on a student budget. somehow it happened - but hey, i'll be saving $30/week next year and that's enough for me to buy a coffee every day, should i wish.

yay. student living. i cannot wait until i am earning a wage. poor J, stuck in a student flat with three other students. i can somehow understand his rage. if only he'd been willing to move up here with me in my current flat. but what is done is done, so that's my second-to-last year done here - in what was perhaps my favourite flat of the three different ones that i've lived in.

#richbitch

Christmas with M. and her family was lovely. Her niece and nephews made my ovaries ache. I don't think I could handle three children (her sister did incredibly though), but it looked like a lot of work. So maybe two. That, and a dog will be enough work, methinks. J. came too, so it was initially a wee bit awkward, but after M's brother-in-law cracked a few jokes, it was just fine. The kids had a great time crawling over J. and using his leg and back as a runway for their toy planes, which was cute. If M. and J. ever have a family, I think yesterday was a foretaste of what it might look like. I'm grateful to M. and her family for taking me in for the day because for the last two Christmases, I've spent it with E. and his family. I was quite prepared to spend Christmas alone, but I really did enjoy myself yesterday. Also bonus: found where they sell ASIAN VEGETABLES here. In my six years in this city, I've always thought that it was too far south (and thus cold) for Chinese vegetables like choy sum and bok choy to grow (ignoring the fact that every time I went and ate at an Asian restaurant they served such vegetables - so I always assumed they just managed to grow their own limited supply). I digress. Anyway, after talking to M's mum, I found out where they sell them! Also, she gave me a massive container of delicious Asian soup. It was as close as home as I could get.

Boxing day sales were sort of ave today because it seemed that there wasn't anything amazing. Or maybe it was because H. has turned me into a fussier shopper - something that has helped me stick to my budget over this last year. Also the weather didn't help because there was constant drizzle, which in a way was more annoying than rain because drizzle is dense and so you're bound to get wet regardless.
Wasn't a failure utterly though - bought my first Ruby dress at a steal ($99), which I am rather stoked about. It also made me look a lot richer than I really was as I gallivanted from store to store.

I can't wait till New Years to see E. again.

#boxingday

i'm soooo ready for dem sales. also, WHEN WILL CLASS START? working for the last two weeks has made me realise how much i love medicine.



or simply how much i don't want to be a grown up and work.

#lightscameras

Have discovered that i am not particularly photogenic. although, knowing that E's parents were watching did also mean that i was rather tentative about feeling up their son in their presence.

#let'smoveon

Love. He makes me happy. To the point that motive is simply no longer something I care about.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

#lesigh

I can't believe a month as gone. It sucks.
As much as I love seeing E. again, I hate leaving home. I hate leaving my parents because every time I come home, I can see them age just a little bit more.
And it sucks.

Going away to study for the last six years has been like escaping reality - the reality of having a disabled brother, the reality of ageing, the reality of a future where you can't just rely on being able to age peacefully and gracefully.

Therein lies my problem - having been given the a-okay by daddy dearest, I have free rein to make a decision about where I want to go for my clinical years. But sometimes, free will is probably worse than tyranny because it feels like my head and my heart are pulling me in the most agonising way possible.

#whyxcalizorzwhy

why would you remove your mass effect 3 playthroughs from youtube?! it was the only decent playthrough available because
a) the other boys play like pussies and
b) the amount of swearing accompanying your playthrough was hilarious
c) oh, you were awesome as fuck at insanity level

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

postscript: poor xcalizorz :(

#twelveyearsofpianolessonsgone

So there was a piano at the wharf today. Which is kinda cool because the city's a bit hip like that and they like to put a painted piano on the wharf for people passing by to randomly tinkle on it. Of course, the majority are kids who are simply dying to show off what they've learnt at the Saturday Music Centre from their Bastien music books. I'll refresh your memory in case you don't remember. But my purple book is clearly emblazoned into my memory.

Anywho, I decided to have a wee tinkle and twelve years of piano tuition promptly abandoned me. And all I was reduced to playing was that annoying song, well duet. You know the one. The one with the damned four chords that EVERYONE knows. 

fjksdfjksdfkjfkfdkj 

#HOLLAH

Enough said.

#hollah....I hope

No such email has made an appearance in my email inbox. Med3 beckons plsplsplspls...

#fuckyou'rearetard

that was directed to myself. the state of my relationship is currently as happy as puppies and i'd say that i'm only responsible for 20% of that happiness.

#yayfortrustissues

yay. spiral
      of
         doom.
             internal
                 monologue.
                       r
                         u
                           m
                              i
                                n
                                   a
                                      t
                                        e............

#heliotrope

thyme, it grows on by as the seconds tick,

if only i had gained wisdom and sage.

but i still have much foolishness within me,

my imagination grows wild with possibilities.

if but a clove would ward off past ghosts,

that haunt my dreams of a white picket fence. 

there are seeds of doubt to be sown and grown,

an apple hanging off that branch once more.

or will your eye catch the ivy growing instead,

and cast your gaze upon the myrtle on the ground?

#whoneedsahaircurler

Honestly, who does? Compare taking half an hour to ten minutes to curl my hair. I should've converted ages ago.
Also, managed to find E. his graduation present, wandering into a store which had an introductory 50% of all items, and a pair of new earrings aaaand managing to find a book at the library which has been elusive to find makes for a lovely day.

(honestly though, you'd think with a refit which has meant that the library has had to relocate to a much smaller premises and thus, offer only a very small selection of books would mean that I would have great difficulty finding books that I've been looking for... but noooooo, each and every time I've been in, I've managed to find a book that I've been hunting for ages for).

postscript

iTunes, sort your shit out. I would like to legitimately purchase something but unfortunately, that item is not available in NZ. you are practically asking me to find myself a pirated version.
why on earth are some items are available in the US/UK stores and not elsewhere?

p.s. i also love dropbox because all my photos are immediately ferried to my laptop. so fuck you, SD card.

#technologicallyineptftw

so when my samsung galaxy s3 decided to crash on me and display a message informing me that my SD card had met its untimely end, i was like

a) what have i stored on my SD card and 

b) will i lose it all

c) mainly, will i lose all my messages

because of my OCD tendencies, i decided that i would reformat my SD card (ergo, lose everything i had stored on it) to remove the annoying message up the top of my phone. 

clearly, not understanding my phone's memory capabilities was advantageous because i clearly didn't know how to utilise my SD card... because there was nothing on it to lose when i reformatted my phone.

end of the day: me: 1, phone: 0. 

and if my phone keeps busting moves like this, i'm going to seriously consider dumping it and getting an iPhone. 

#don'twantholidaystoend

Read above.


I'm happy. He makes me happy. I can't quite decide whether or not I want to come back here for my clinical years. I suppose where he is, I'll be happy... insertsappyshit.
But it's a blog. So I'm allowed to put up sappy shit. However, it irks me immensely when people treat Facebook like a journal because you're just asking for people to gossip about you.

Also, after a month of no carbs during one meal a day, is that a thigh gap I finally see?! Legit. Maybe I don't need to return to the gym after all...

#ravingaboutcoffee

it's taken me several years, but i finally comprehend the reason as to why my father loves his espresso maker. honestly, liquid gold drips forth from the machine. i think i may finally move on from mochas...

also, things are just so much better up here in the north. except i consider the deep south my home still - as much as i hate it sometimes. but the simplicity of the Edinburgh of the south somehow seems preferable to the hustle of life up here.

#homelife

ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY GIGS OF DATA. this is going to be flipping awesome. plus decent shower pressure. 

downside: i have a shitty mattress which doesn't seem very supportive for my back. and there is a massive daddy-long-legs sitting in the corner of my bed. i hope we come to a mutual understanding over the next four weeks. 

#med2isover

Gah, I can't believe that was one year of medicine done. This year rocketed by so quickly that I barely had time to pause for breath. It only feels like yesterday that I sat in Colquhoun for the first time during Med O-Week and had bitter thoughts going through my head because the people around me were all so damn young. I felt that my place back in 2009 had been robbed from me. But looking back now, I think I've accepted the fact that yes, my friends will now be doctors, while I will be only be a third year medical student. But I'm okay with that now.
I've made peace with the fact that I wasn't ready for medicine five years ago. Probably still not, but at least better equipped and able to learn from mistakes from my forebears coughnotleavingstudyuntilseptembercough. Bloody hell, this is beginning to sound like an HIC essay. I've come to love the friends I've made like a family and I have to say, being friends with them makes it totes okay to be four years behind.

One year down. Four more to go.

#barepassplsplspls

That was hands down, the most horrible exam I have ever sat in my entire life. I was certain for maybe half (if I'm lucky) of the questions. The other half I was just barely keeping it together because I just wanted to run out of the histology lab screaming blue murder. Ncjdndkdishfirnxufnrownturn 

#amused

Granted, we should all emerge from our degree being able to teach others. But a examiner with only one year's worth of experience? And one year's experience as an intern pharmacist? People aren't allowed to be preceptors unless they've had at least two years experience working as a pharmacist. And yes, third and fourth year pharmacy students don't really know their head from their arse, but still!!!

I am both bemused and amused. 

#it'sbeenagoodday

1. bullshitted my way through the cancer section of the exam. bullshit was correct.
2. being published. for realsies.
3. finished the day with a cider.

#FOURMOREDAYS

Can't believed i signed up for another four years of study. Oh no - it's meant to be lifelong learning. jfdklfkjlfd. Oddly though, as soon as i finish studying for these exams, surfing the internet will not be nearly as entertaining.

Also amusing thought: everyone is going to use the word 'fungating' to describe an adenocarcinoma of the colon if that pops up in our SAQ exam tomorrow. Just like how everyone said that a 'hostile uterus' was a totally legit reason for IVF back in fourth year - a term which bamboozled our ethics tutor because she had never heard of such a term before. Cheers, Meredith Grey. 

#feelinghopeful

So no callback email to resit my OSCE. Yusssss. Except i did get a minor panic attack when i saw the 'new message received' icon on my email inbox. Thanks medical school for notifying me that emails have already gone out. But i was probably satisfied with knowing that already from Moodle.

... except i maaaybe want to resit so i can make sure i actually own it this time around. Gah. Yesterday, i just wanted to pass. Today we want PDs all round, yespleaseandthankyou. Can't make up my bloody mind. 

Also, immense fun. A great majority of the SAQ exam today was pharmacology. See you little shits, stop belittling pharmacists; quote "What are pharmacists good for? They just stand around the whole day." unquote.

This would be my answer after today: Did you own the pharmacology part of the exam? Quivering in your little socks over what type of antihypertensive cilazapril is. Oh, gee. Kinda knew that from um... being a pharmacist. 

#twasthenightbeforeosce

and i am so glad that i have a patient E. who is ready and willing to answer every single stupid question i have. i need to make sure that i am living with him come fifth year exams. it is only second year exams and i am shitting my pants. i don't think i was even this scared for my pharmacy registration exam. difference being: i actually have to touch patients. fjkdfajkfdsakjldfajkldfasljkdaflkjdfaljk

#overit

i'm going over material for the umpteenth time. and at this point, i don't actually care enough to memorise the tiny weeny details because i'm so over it. the depressing thing is that i have to reread shit because it's a full year paper and so i will inevitably come across things at a later date that i will realise was the answer to some stupid question that i could not answer during an earlier exam moangripemoangrumblegripegripe

except even that is not enough motivation. i'm like oh heeeeeeey, i think i know everything. except i don't. BECAUSE THIS IS BLOODY MEDICINE AND YOU CAN'T BLOODY KNOW EVERYTHING.

#thingswhichhavebecomemuchmoreinteresting

I am fascinated by dandruff. I am this much over studying and it isn't even study week yet. In other news, here is my wall. It is about to get much worse

 

also, i was flicking through some fictionpress stories when broadband was down (because it was the only thing that would load) and i realised three things

(1) unrequited love tugs at my heart strings 

(2) i miss the heady rush of when you first fall in love

then i was like, nah. i wouldn't give up what i have now for that. i think the process of falling in love is fun enough, but when you're happy - you take it for granted and you don't realise how happy you actually are until you read some romance novel written by a 16 year old who probably has never actually been in a relationship before. 

that was an odd epiphany. 

#studytime

Time to make a dedicated list of things I want to do once exams are over because

a) I like lists because they motivate me

b) my life is currently revolving around a list of things I need to study

c) my brain is currently filled with more pressing things and so there is less room for such frivolous details

d) this is a list within a list. Inception anybody? whoaaaaaaaa

- watch Thor before watching Thor: The Dark World
- catch up on ALL newly starting TV shows: Elementary, New Girl, Grey's Anatomy and Arrow
- purchase HP on kindle
- purchase A Voice In The Wind on kindle

I thought I had more on my list.

In other news, my new found love of felt tips has meant that there is an advancing wave front of cardiovascular notes bluetacked to my wall. 

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy do I put myself through this?

#nobroadband

These next days are going to be the longest three days of my life: I want them to pass by as quickly as possible, yet I dread their passing because
a) broadband renews in three days and
b) it will bring my final exams three days closer

-cryface-

(first world problems obviously, but I seriously need me some broadband).

#bringiton

Dr. J, I am soooo ready for your OSPE questions:

BRANCHES OF THE AORTA
1. Aortic arch
(i) brachiocephalic trunk/innominate artery (it just sounds so much more romantic as the latter)
(ii) left common carotid
(iii) left subclavian

2. DESCENDING THORACIC AORTA
(i) bronchial branches
(ii) mediastinal
(iii) oesophageal
(iv) pericardial
(v) superior phrenic
-> also note that on the posterior, branches also present such as the posterior intercostal arteries and the subcostal artery

3. ABDOMINAL AORTA (once the aorta has passed the diaphragm through the aortic hiatus at T12)
(i) celiac trunk
(ii) superior mesenteric
(iii) R and L renal arteries
(iv) R and L gonadal arteries (testicular if you have a Y chromosome and ovarian if you have none)
(v) inferior mesenteric
(vi) R and L common iliac arteries
--> posterior branches such as the R and L lumbar arteries also present

postscript: I NEVER GOT TO USE THIS/SHOW OFF MY KNOWLEDGE. disgruntled noise.

#toobloodyearly

damn it, peaked too bloody early. i have a month to go over lectures for the umpteenth time. and i'm not absorbing anything because i am like, oh hey - i have a month. there is no panic.

#aaaargh

why do i do this to myself? why do i start a new tv series a month out from exams? it's like oh hey - this is your 6th year studying and you'd think that by now i would've figured out what not to do. and yet, i am still delusional as my 18 year old self - who believes that i have the self restraint not to go on a Community watching rampage.

#can'tbelieveididit

Class started at 2pm today. And I dragged myself out of bed at 7:40am to go to the fricking gym. SEVEN FORTY AM. Why do I do this to myself? Also, I wish for the first time in my life (yes, I've never really cared about my height up until this point) that I was taller. By just even like 3 or 4cm. Because then I'd be okay with my weight. Fuck, I'd be friggin stoked.

#asianmother

My mother amuses me. Background to this story: in Chinese medicine, it is thought that drinking tea made from red dates (because it is red in colour) is supposedly good for replenishing blood lost during menstruation, and is thought to be good for improving one's concentration and alertness. So, my mother has been trying to get me to drink this tea daily and obviously, I am failing at this because I simply cannot be bothered making it.
Anyway, after E. left yesterday, I called home as per my normal weekly call.

Mother: You've been crying
Me: ... yeee-ss?
Mother: Ha. I knew it - could tell from your voice. Drink some of that red date tea. You can replenish the blood lost from your broken heart.

Thanks, mother.

#cryface

screw you, E. i swear i wasted two weeks being resentful and shit. and now you're gone. and i feel alone because i was so used to you being here. four weeks went by waaaaay too quickly.

at least my room is actually tidy now. and there aren't bits of paper or clothes scattered on the ground. one time when i got back home, there was literally a trail of clothing from the front door to the computer desk, where E. was sitting playing final fantasy x in nothing but his underwear.

#technologyftw

Loving the fact that I can write my lectures on my iPad mini and then transfer the notes to my laptop magically through the interwebs. No carrying a heavy laptop around, no messy pen and paper, no USBs and best of all, so time efficient! Why did I only discover this after I had completed one degree already?! Honestly, had I known this - I would have advocated the iPad's cause much sooner.

The only problem: now that I've come home, my laptop keyboard seems so much bigger and I'm having issue readjusting when typing. Bah, first world problems/proprioception obviously sucks.

#haveonemonth

instead of pining for E. like some lovesick fool when he leaves, i am going to relish having my room to myself again! and also, time for myself to do some solid work. also, in this one month leading up to exams, i aim to
- shed those remaining two/three kilos (it varies depending on which scales i sneakily use in the clinical skills demonstration rooms)
- study like a bitch to pwn exams: feeling positive about exams seven weeks out from finals. except this is probably going to change to panicked weeping in six weeks or so. but i hope to minimise that crying by doing some solid work now
- stop pigging out on baking. no more baking!

also, feeling a wee bit indignant in pathology that my tutor told me to stop answering questions after i had merely answered two in succession and had kept my mouth shut for the entirety of the tute up until that point. it is not my fault that people don't know what Addison's is. oh, and Pott's disease. damn youuuuuuu tutor.

also, progress test win... fifth year styles.

there are a lot of alsos in this entry.

#happiness

I have never felt more content than now in my entire life. This is why we work at it. This is why it's all worth it. 

#relationshipadvice

Me: E. and I are fighting a lot these days. Like he's busy because he's been finishing work at 11pm for the last few weeks. But he doesn't tell me so when I try to tell him about my troubles, he just ends up snapping at me.

Dad: Well, you're not going to meet anyone else who doesn't snap at you. There's only one person who doesn't snap at you. And that's your dad. So you're going to have to deal with it.

Me: Thanks, dad. 

#notlongtogo

T H R E E more days

Also, can't believe I am going to go to the gym an additional time this week just so I can make lunch with a friend. Most people would be okay with skipping out one session but noooo... it's gotten to the point where I must religiously go three times a week. I'd almost think I was bordering on having an eating disorder except for the fact that I had K-fry for dinner, and fuck did I enjoy every single greasy bit of it.

#whyohwhy

Ensuing bitch fight on the Med Facebook page. A few days ago, someone posted an event to the page re. spiritual healing. Today, someone has posted a link from the Cochrane website that basically denounces praying as having nil effect on health outcomes.

I find it slightly inflammatory, not to mention offensive. Granted, I can see that someone posting the event to the Facebook page could seem irrelevant to some and possibly invasive, but it does not attack the beliefs of such people. This returning post however, just seems a wee bit too pugnacious.




F O U R more days.

#hungry

F I V E more days

I can't be bothered moving from my laptop to cook my dinner. But I am ravenous.
First world problems.

I should probably move. I feel rather hypoglycaemic. Also, the practice case test was bogus. I studied waaay too hard.


Also people who whine about their lives on facebook annoy the shit out of me.

#snickerdoodles

I did some baking and my flatmate tried some.

Flatmate: These taste like something I've had before, but I can't put my finger on it. Something but not in biscuit form.

Me: -what-the-fuck-look

Flatmate: Oh, donuts!

#perhapsaddisonhadapoint

sometimes i think i just want to give up.

#ughgenetics

Yuck... genetics essay.
Also just a thought: unlike other health professions, pharmacists never have to wait for their patients. They need to wait for us. This amuses me.

N I N E more days :)

#bestcall

Dr. B is officially my favourite lecturer. After finishing today's case introduction lecture, he then proceeded to go through the physiology questions in past exam papers and answered them for us. Then he said this: "Anatomy is much harder than physiology - this is an example question" Then he proceeds to stick up an overhead with this written on it:

Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect.

 

P N E S I

p.s. the answer was S P I N E

Also, T E N more days :)

#needtokeeprunning

Is that the beginnings of a thigh gap I see?!

Highlights in today's lectures:

1. Public health lecture on heart health
Lecturer: You - do you know what BMI is?
S: Erm... yes?
Lecturer: What's your BMI?
S: Uh, normal?
Lecturer: What value do you think it is?
S: Um, 23? Yeah, 23.
Lecturer: Stand up.
S. stands up.
Lecturer: Yes, you look like you have a BMI of 23. You are desirable.
Entire lecture theatre lols.

2. Microbiology lecture on respiratory tract infections
Dr. B: Bacteria are like tanks. They have a lot of mechanisms that help them to breach host defences, like overt guns and armour. But viruses are different. They're more like... communists. I'm told they're more stealthy.

Also, T W E L V E more days!

#iheartarrow

That man off Arrow is babein'. Kinda sucks making a pact with my flatmate that we are to only going watch episodes at dinner time. See, ever since X-Factor has finished, we're sadly lacking in Sunday evening entertainment, so we decided to start a new show that we both haven't watched. We were only supposed to watch it once a week, except Arrow is so good that we're going to have to watch an episode a day. Also, it is mighty tempting to simply stream all episodes in my own room because the entirety of season one is available online.

Also, I feel okay for devouring Peking duck and pancakes yesterday because it was a productive session at the gym: 10km run, followed by a 6.5km bike ride. And no one was hogging the thigh flasher machine a.k.a. the thigh adductor machine. Ughhhhh I'm turning into one of those people that I hate. Gross.

On another note: T H I R T E E N more days :)

#commencecountdown

F O U R T E E N!

#goingtoaceanatomy

Moment of pride: trying to figure out where the right and left pulmonary veins were on a chest x-ray and holding the book up so I could figure out which side was right and which side was left. Unfortunately, Dr. P was behind me and snickered as I said quite triumphantly that the right pulmonary vein was indeed on the right hand side and the left was on the left hand side.

#needcarbs

Today Dr. B made the best call in a lecture today.
Dr. B "When you're anaemic, your haemoglobin doesn't notice that it's suddenly lost a few friends... unless it goes on Facebook and finds that its friend list has diminished greatly."

Someone nominate this man for a teaching award because he actually makes physiology interesting, not to mention, understandable!

#warriorgene

Today in our bioethics lecture, we were talking about the 'warrior gene' - a gene that affects the level of monoamine oxidase (MAO) and as a result, increases levels of serotonin and dopamine due to decreased breakdown. Apparently, this confers aggressiveness to carriers of the 'warrior gene' and this is more prevalent in some ethnic groups, which apparently correlates to increased rates of crime by these said ethnic groups.

Anyway... 

The lecturer asked us what the negative implications of finding such a gene were. And the answers ranged from stereotypes, to gene-environment interaction. Midway through this discussion, the bodybuilder in our class (aptly nicknamed 'the Hulk' by the class), puts his hand up and says "Who says that there has to be a negative to having the warrior gene?"

The entire class lols.

Also, PHCY315 for the win. One less lecture to write up. 

#benny:(

Just a conspiracy theory: Jackie has an amazing voice, no doubt. But her story on X Factor was the stuff of movies: amazing audition and makes it through to Boot Camp. Oh noes! She gets kicked out. Sad cry. But wait! She gets a call from Daniel Bedingfield who tells her that she's back in... and then nek minute, she wins X Factor.
I am not disparaging Jackie's talent - she totally deserves to win, but I swear, the producers played around with her journey on X Factor... because this stuff like I said, is the stuff of movies.

Also in other news, my two new pairs of spectacles arrived and I look like a secretary with one and a fob in the other.

#matchmaker

I resound smugness. Mission: accomplished. 

Also, yesterday M. and I went to St Clair for a caramel latte because Starfish does the best ones in town. M. parked her car along the waterfront and then when we finished our coffees, we wandered back to her car. I was about to open the car door when I looked inside and realised that there was a lady sitting in the front seat. 

And then realised that it wasn't her car. Because her car was several spaces down. 

#perfecthousewife

M. and I found a recipe on Pinterest for Red Velvet Cheesecake brownie and as it is with Pinterest things often, it is hard to get the end product that Pinterest pins often entice you with.

Nailed it. 

We were a bit skeptical as we put the mixture into the oven, but it was delicious. All 1 and 1/3 cup of sugar worth of sweet goodness. 

And in an attempt to avoid starting cardiovascular study, I have managed to clean the bathroom, tidy the lounge and pulled down the shower curtain to bleach overnight.

Also, made my uterus go for a run. Who's the master now, bitch? I may have to take some paracetamol though.

Might go do some study now finally...

Oh wait. Laundry's just finished. 

#thattimeofthemonth

... and out goes all determination for dieting and exercising.
I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE. My uterus is not going to stop me going for a run.


Also, the more I learn about my nasal cavities, the worse I feel about being an obligate mouth breather. I feel that the air I'm breathing is less clean and humidified. And I also think I have some sort of obstructive lung disease because I breathe with pursed lips. I think.
Oh, yes. Medical Student Syndrome. I was waiting for you.

#bitterbitch

The awkward moment when your engagement photo shoot looks like your wedding photos.


Also, on the note of weddings and such: n.b. signing the register song: I Choose You - Sara Bareilles. Ah, for fuck's sake. I just want to have a legit reason to plan my wedding already.

#internalmonologueiscalledsoforareason

Made an absolute ass of myself today in lectures. I should learn to not vocalise my thoughts and be simply satisfied with eyeball rolling. Anyway, here is the situation:

Dr. F puts up a clinical scenario on powerpoint, where a woman gets stung by a wasp and within a few hours, gets a massively swollen arm as a result. Clearly an allergic situation because he had just spent the last half an hour talking about allergies and the different types of hypersensitivities that exist.
Dr. F: What treatment would you recommend?
Someone in the front row: Voltaren?
Dr. F: Uh. No - I suppose you'd want pain relief. But it wouldn't help with this because it is an allergic reaction.
Someone else in the far corner of the room: Aspirin?
Me (audibly enough when it was supposed to be a mutter): Seriously?

This is EXACTLY why you stupid second years must learn your pharmacology. Until you can school a pharmacist on their pharmacology and recommend appropriate treatment - don't you dare call us useless.

#byeeeMoorhouse:(

Dramas aside, whyyyy?!!!!! WHY?!

#airthedirtylaundry

Can one no longer have thoughts any more? Apparently not. Ugh. Over it. 
#fuckthisshit #who'stherealvictim 

#youngpeoplethesedays

So I was talking to M., and she has since notified me (via her sister) that the upstart second years refer to the part of the lecture theatre that the post-grads sit in as 'Jurassic Park'. Also that they think pharmacists do nothing but stand around all day.

I am going to ENJOY wasting them all in pharmacology. It is WAR, you little shits.

#pickingmynose

In today's anatomy lecture regarding the nasal passages, I suddenly had the most profound urge to put my finger up my nose and to have a poke around.
Anyway, midway through the lecture, the lecturer shows the class a schematic which shows the floor of the nasal cavities as viewed from above. It was a little phallic looking and it didn't help that Dr. P kept on going on about the 'hard palate'. So naturally, there was a bit of a snicker around the class which could be heard throughout the duration which this slide was shown. Also Dr. P's voice sort of broke halfway through - as if he realised that yes, the second year medical class was that immature and as a result, started to race through the rest of the content on this particular slide.

Also, win for traffic wardens: paid only one hour and my appointment ran twenty minutes late. No parking ticket!

#musicalcredinquestion

Flatmate plays the same song for the umpteenth time.
G: Stop playing that song, or I will end up killing you.

Later on in the evening, flatmate plays the song in hopes that she can sneak it past me.
G: Oh, who sings this? One Republic eh? I quite like it.
Flatmate: ... it's the same song as before...


p.s. is this NOT the best haiku ever? Found it and laughed so hard.

A haiku about getting out of bed in the morning/in general:

no no no no no

no no no no no no no

no no no no no

#icanbake

Today H. and I made ciabatta - first time and it was awesome! Except I am really full now and wishing that I hadn't quite stuffed myself full. What I find quite funny is that I want relate everything to medicine. For example, last night our pharmacy staff went out to dinner and our boss kindly paid for our entree AND main. So obviously, we crammed our faces and I wanted to say that I felt as stuffed as a foam cell. I had to physically stop myself because a) no one at the dinner table would get it and b) whipping out med terms at the dinner table is just sad.

#facebooki'mnotafob

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This ad popped up on my facebook. And since we know that facebook advertising is targeted, I think facebook is trying to tell me something.

Fuck off, facebook.

#iheartthecardiolecturer

This is a conversation I had today with one of my friends in class:
Me: Don't you think Dr. J is hot? That suit-shirt-pant combo. And his glasses!
S: Eh, like an 8? Would you do an 8? (note that S is my guy mate and I treat him like my gay best friend. Also imagine tentative skepticism in his voice).
Me: I would totes do an 8.

Lecture begins.

Dr. J: So today's lecture is on one of the topics that I truly love and involves a large part of what I do apart from teaching. Research is really one of things that I enjoy and so this lecture is just going to be a bit of what I've been doing. Research and teaching is actually my second job. Most of you probably don't know this, but I used to be an air force pilot.
Me and S simultaneously: He just went up to a 9.

#goodbyefeminism

Two days back into semester two and all I want to do is go back to Christchurch and be a housewife. I would happily squeeze a midget hairy asian baby out of downstairs and spend my time cooking and cleaning.

I am fucking serious.
p.s. since when did titles become a compulsory thing? my ocd has kicked in and i dislike how this post has a title and everything else since like... ages ago does not. blogger, do not make me go back and title every other entry.

#hollah

will.i.am may not be the hottest man alive when it comes to looks, but I would date him in a heartbeat because every single word that comes out of his mouth is just so hilariously funny.
Best comeback/one-liner: "I don't got tactics, I got tic tacs because I stay fresh. Hollah." I need to use that one day.

#fatbitch

Putting a limit on how long my stays at home are going to be because I am being fed so well that my self control is like toodlesgoodbyewhocaresifieatafterdinnerandinbetweenmealsyusnutrigrainsogoodnomnomnomnom

#stupidA

Today I thought I saw A. in town. As much as I'd love to deny it, my heart did flutter a wee bit for one nonsensical moment.

#moveoutthewayasiancomingdowntheroad

Another crazy female Asian driver is about to hit the roads... FINALLY got my full licence after having my restricted for six years and simply being too damn lazy to get my full-slash-being quite happy to simply drive myself around-slash-avoid having to give people rides because I am a selfish bitch.

#firstworldproblems

I take it back. Power was only just restored and I realised that I need the internets. And warm water because ice cold water makes my teeth feel funny.

#thatpower...cut

Storm hath hit. No snow, but it is most certainly windy as fuck and rain is torrential. Also, the lights keep flickering ominously. Rushed through my shower in haste to avoid a cold shower/having to fumble my way in the dark with my period... Mmmmm not such a good idea.



BRING ON THE CANDLES! except, that no power means no internet and without internet, I will have no facebook. And without facebook I will be extremely bored and will probably resort to chowing down the rest of the Nutri-Grain.

#embarassingasianparents

Went out to yum cha with my parents today. Thought that seeing as we were going to an Asian restaurant that it wouldn't be such an embarrassing outing. I was wrong.

Let me set the scene: my parents usually only go to one yum cha place on the account that the all the other ones are either a) crappy, b) expensive or c) have ripped off my parents in the past. Today, for some inexplicable reason, my mother goes with choice c). 

So, we walk in, get seated and almost immediately, my mother's gaze makes a beeline for the perpetrator who added up the bill falsely the last time we visited. Note: this last visit occurred fifteen years ago. 

"Oh, it's her. She's the one who added the bill up wrong last time and ripped us off." She says, not in sotto voce as you would have hoped, but rather audibly. 

My father tries in vain to hush her, but fails. "They can hear us!"
"Well, I'll just speak in Cantonese then."

The waiters know to speak Cantonese because we were greeted in Cantonese when we came in. So this tactic would not work and this is something I notify my mother about with a look of embarrassment. 

"Fine, let's talk about something else." She concedes. I reach for a cup of green tea. "Now, now. Don't drink too much! You know you have your period and you can't drink too much green tea or it'll make it heavier." 

Subject change fail. 

After we finish the meal, my mother asks for a pen. I ask her why. "So I can make sure we don't get ripped off."
"Mum!" I exclaim.

"What? It's perfectly normal. Now, give me that pen."

"Oh, yes. These Asian restaurants are fond of ripping off people." My father adds.

Instead I hand over my phone. "Look, I have a calculator function of my phone."
"Oh, excellent." My father chimes in. "Now we can make it look less obvious." He reaches out for the phone and starts adding up numbers that my mother is muttering under her breath.

I just look mortified. 

dfkljsdfkjlsdfjklsdfjkdfslkj Rule: never ever, ever rip off my parents (or Asians, for that matter). 

#aarghfuckyoustudysmart

Ugh stupid studysmart. I almost would've preferred having workshops because at least I wouldn't have pay attention to a series of boring videos and then answer a series of equally boring questions (sometimes irrelevant) in order to get terms. I also wouldn't have a headache because not everyone can focus on a computer screen for two hours!

#holidayseverydaypleaseandthankyou

Slept in till 10am. Read a book. Then proceeded to nap after lunch for an hour.

FOUND NUTRI GRAIN IN THE PANTRY. My room smells of warm bread permanently on the account of the breadmaker being stored in my room.



Home is good. Did I mention that the ambient temperature is a toasty 18 degrees celsius?

Also, just had an interesting conversation:
Dad: So, I think you should get your teeth checked by the dental hygienist.
Me: Ugh. Mum's been talking to you about this and I said -
Dad: Nah, nah. It's a good idea eh. Especially with kissing your boyfriend - don't want smelly breath.
Me: My. Teeth. Are. Fine.


TAX RETURNS ARE OUT!!! I swear, this is more exciting than exam results.

#iamnotpregnant

I'm going home to see my family! And my uterus has decided to reveal itself... which I am quite happy about because it means that I won't have it... in twelve days time.

#futureplans

Note to self: engrave inside of wedding ring

#mushylovestuff

homophrosýnē. it annoys me how some people just break up over the littlest things. yes, i won't deny that we've had our ups and downs, but i will not jump easily to breaking up and neither would E. and it honestly fucks me off when G. and his girlfriend are constantly breaking up. well actually, it just annoys me when G. wants to be our friend when he's not with his girlfriend and then ignores us completely when he's back together with her.

And I get to see E. on Sunday!

#eightyeightpercent

Dieeeee OSPE. Two extra marks would be nice. Just saying... Except I'm kicking myself because I'm pretty sure I could've actually made those two extra marks if I hadn't made careless mistakes.


Lawl... pharmacology. As sad as it may sound, I go to the lectures just to see people flounder over all the drugs. And it makes me feel good.
Also, a marker of my true maturity: had to withhold a snigger when the lecturer was drawing the changes in pressure in the ventricles and atria during systole and diastole... the diagram ended up a little phallic looking.

#typicalstudent

I cannot wait till holidays!

#x(x)factornz

ermegershhhhhhh X Factor NZ double elimination

#satisfaction

Another blessing of doing medicine post-grad: I have a car! No awkwardly asking strangers for rides or catching buses in the hopes of not being lost. And when doing rest home placements, I'm not stressing about getting there or getting back home.

Also, I've managed to get everything done on my to-do list PLUS had a fantastic day off yesterday with M. and my HIC group in the evening. And cheese rolls and soup for dinner on a cold night! And X-Factor tonight. And home in a week. If I was to be an animal right now, I would be one of those fat furry cats with a huge ass bowl of cream in front of it, purring contentedly. In front of an open fireplace.

#nerdlove

Me: This is going to sound bad, but I need constant reminders of uh, why I like you. You know, like a drug. The effect wears off after a while...
E: So would you say that I'm below the minimum effective concentration?
Me: Well, you did piss me off immensely this week, which did increase the clearance.
E: Well for me, you're over the area under the curve (AUC) kinda girl. But there are too many peaks and troughs still for my liking.
Me: Do you know how you can make it a constant concentration? Infusion pump.
E: I'm coming down for four weeks and being in your company constantly. I think a four week course is just what you need.


Oh, my inner nerd basically died and went to nerd heaven. E., this is EXACTLY why I keep you around.
Also, Taylor Swift's song 'Stay, Stay, Stay' came to mind as I was yelling at him. Because he just laughed.

#boysarestupid

What is the meaning of 'soon'? In the next few hours? Within today? Tomorrow? Within the next week? It's all very subjective. I suppose in my mind, an hour equates to several minutes in your mind.

postscript: i'm fucking over this shit. shit meaning OSPE. also, have progressed to the thinking of "i'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man". obviously in my case, i would need to remove the non-applicable racial epithet. i think i shall duly replace it with "i'm a strong, independent woman with two degrees who don't need no man".

#rantrantrantrant

Country Road. Your evil email notifying me of an additional 25% off sale items. I should not step foot into your vicinity because I will spend money. Granted, the top I bought was originally $109 and I only paid $59.90. But still... grrrrr.

It is a nice top. Also it made me feel better because I feel like I haven't really perked up in a few days.


postscript: this is vain, but hey, this is a place to record such thoughts. was watching my OSCE video and the following was my thought process:
oh hey, i don't have to cringe too much while watching this because i don't actually sound that bad - ooohh wait, look at my legs. they look great - yes, must look for parts which i think i could improve in - i think it might be my boots which seem to elongate my legs.

postscript no. 2: fuck OSPE. i will probably regret not studying as intensely as i should... but i feel like i've burnt out and was prepared for OSPE a week earlier than required. also, i don't think i've done enough study to actually quantify a reason as to why i can make this statement. that made no sense. i'm over study sdkjdfjkdfsjklfsd

Lol. the awkward moment when the Country Road label contains a grammatical error. Beeteedubs, it should "special care is required to maintain ITS appearance".

#oldpoem

here is your list of things that i can see

and it stretches for miles and miles.

last in line and last in queue, i have no

choice but to patiently wait my turn.

why must i make myself smaller so

i understand why you never come around.

take me out the equation, save yourself

the effort of calculating another variable.

there’s no difference, i swear when you see,

because the zero you took out was only me.