#embarassingasianparents

Went out to yum cha with my parents today. Thought that seeing as we were going to an Asian restaurant that it wouldn't be such an embarrassing outing. I was wrong.

Let me set the scene: my parents usually only go to one yum cha place on the account that the all the other ones are either a) crappy, b) expensive or c) have ripped off my parents in the past. Today, for some inexplicable reason, my mother goes with choice c). 

So, we walk in, get seated and almost immediately, my mother's gaze makes a beeline for the perpetrator who added up the bill falsely the last time we visited. Note: this last visit occurred fifteen years ago. 

"Oh, it's her. She's the one who added the bill up wrong last time and ripped us off." She says, not in sotto voce as you would have hoped, but rather audibly. 

My father tries in vain to hush her, but fails. "They can hear us!"
"Well, I'll just speak in Cantonese then."

The waiters know to speak Cantonese because we were greeted in Cantonese when we came in. So this tactic would not work and this is something I notify my mother about with a look of embarrassment. 

"Fine, let's talk about something else." She concedes. I reach for a cup of green tea. "Now, now. Don't drink too much! You know you have your period and you can't drink too much green tea or it'll make it heavier." 

Subject change fail. 

After we finish the meal, my mother asks for a pen. I ask her why. "So I can make sure we don't get ripped off."
"Mum!" I exclaim.

"What? It's perfectly normal. Now, give me that pen."

"Oh, yes. These Asian restaurants are fond of ripping off people." My father adds.

Instead I hand over my phone. "Look, I have a calculator function of my phone."
"Oh, excellent." My father chimes in. "Now we can make it look less obvious." He reaches out for the phone and starts adding up numbers that my mother is muttering under her breath.

I just look mortified. 

dfkljsdfkjlsdfjklsdfjkdfslkj Rule: never ever, ever rip off my parents (or Asians, for that matter).