I feel like a vending machine. For his convenience.
When will I have the strength to draw the line? To finally say no and to stop talking? Because I honestly think that in order to get over each other, we need to stop talking.
To me, I can't sit here, ready at his whim for when he feels like he can cross the invisible line of friendship. I can't sit here and let my hopes build because inevitably, he crushes them. And I get upset and hate myself because I have no one but myself to blame.
At the same time, I can't force him to make a decision. I can't cage him in because that's what he hates. I also can't expect anything from him because there IS no way forward in this relationship. The most logical step is to simply move on.
But I can't. Not when I know that once I draw the line, there will be no more crossing. So where is the strength? The strength that comes with knowing that I deserve someone loving me wholly, loving me without crushing me at the same time... someone who will put me ahead of everything, even if it means searching out a new faith in order to keep me?
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