Day One

It's only been a few hours since I last saw you and we said goodbye to each other but I haven't stopped crying since this morning. Grief is a funny thing; you cry and feel like you just want to curl up into the foetal position. Then you go through a convalesence period, when you feel like you just don't have any more tears left and all the feeling you have left is a cold numbness. Then when you see something that triggers a memory, you start to cry again.
I feel so alone and isolated without you, knowing that I can't just call you and tell you everything that is on my mind. I can't even eat a meal without crying because I remember the way you divide up your meal into portions and eat each fraction slowly.
Part of me still thinks that when I come back next year that you'll be there to greet me. But then I remember that you're actually gone forever and you'll never look at me that way again.
I just want to come back and have you hold me together because it feels like every part of me has shattered and I can't find the pieces any more.

Eleven days

I'm sorry brain for thinking so much;
I'm sorry stomach for all the butterflies.
I'm sorry pillow for all those tears I cried;
I'm sorry heart for making you break.

But curse his cold heart and unfeeling ways.

Footpaths

I think it should be a crime for couples to hold hands while walking down a (narrow) street. They just take up twice the amount of room so you're forced to do this awkward sidestep shuffle. It's like "Oh hey! Imma gonna try to make you jealous 'cause I'm in such a blissful state with my other half AND sorry mate, please get out of our way 'cause this tandem bike ain't moving aside for anyone."
Eat. My. Faeces.

One month and a half...

... and I'm already having nightmares about it. I don't know what sort of wreck I'll be when it actually happens.

Thinking. What good does it do? Now I'm just a basketcase.

Hidden

Wrap each smile and enfold it away
within the arms deep in the recesses.
Those who pose within their gloss
only cheapen the beauty of subtlety.
The warmth inside each embrace,
little graze on my elbow when we pass.
Deep red roses now faded to ashen pale
lifeless but flourish in my mental vase.
I want to lock each of those moments
away from their prying eyes to see,
because in my dreams once in a while,
the way of my escape becomes reality.

Frozen

We're frozen in time, you and I,
a limbo of sorts so we can ignore
the inevitable that must happen.
There's no space for movement
for even the slightest disruption
will cause the ice to crack and melt.
My embrace is futile and desperate,
but eventually our frozen fingers
will slip from each other's grasp.
The icy cage inside my mind
won't thaw until the summer sun.
So those memories will stay until
one day the prison melts away.

(untitled)

I'm not ready to say goodbye
the summer sun has not come by for
I know my tears will dry eventually.
So until then,
please wait for the winter to pass
with its icy cold rain so I can
walk with you in step under shelter.
Wait till spring comes with flowers
and when they start to wilt and die,
only then will I lay my heart to rest.