#lateentrysoz

Having no internet for ten days was honestly so hard. It's odd to think that I can't actually live happily without checking my Facebook every ten minutes... which is weird because I did live in an age before smartphones existed and in a time when you had to wait at least a minute before your dial up connection would let you onto the net. And even then, Neopets would take fucking forever to load (I was ten).

Anyway, belated wrap of the year: To be honest, I felt like I fell three steps behind in my life. Yes, I had just become registered as a pharmacist and then boom - back to student life. Granted it was a very comfortable student life, what with smoked salmon for dinner and a warm heated flat, but it was weird having no responsibilities again. Well, no adult responsibilities. And my main concern was trying to buy clothes that I previously had been able to afford on a pharmacist's salary on a student budget.

That sounds really shallow. But to be honest, my needs and focuses this year have been shallow - in comparison to the life changing goals I had for 2012. How do I put it... as a second year university student, my aims and goals for the year were sort of insignificant in the long run if you were to compare them to the ones I had made in 2012. Without sounding ungrateful (because I am still happy about them) or smug, yes - I wanted and got distinction in my exams at the end of second year med, yes - I achieved my goal weight and am on the way to losing more.
But in comparison to the aims that I had in 2012 - where I wanted to register as a pharmacist and get into medicine... it all just sounds like I'm swimming in the shallows. Like my life is on pause. But I suppose, I expected that when I chose to go back to study. I'm not saying that 2013 was a horrible year - because it wasn't. I really enjoyed 2013 because I liked meeting the friends I have now, the connections I've made and the new knowledge I've gained. I don't regret choosing medicine because I realise now how much I am looking forward to returning to class and learning more, but at the same time, there's a hint of wistfulness as I watch my peers move on with their lives - getting married, graduating, having jobs.

I'd like to move on with my life. But I think it's going to be on hold for another four years. That might be a good thing because that way, I truly am able to evaluate everything before rushing in and making life decisions that I may regret later.

I don't mean to sound melancholy in this retrospective reflection - because that's not the tone I meant to set. So what do I have to be thankful for?
- a pharmacy degree that set in me in good stead for second year medicine
- finding good friends and a study group
- having friends in their TI year who were willing to help me practice OSCE
- having a car. yes.
- my family for being understanding and my mother especially for being there when I needed a good chat (to digress - it's odd how one's relationship with your parents changes as you grow older. It's nice to know that I actually enjoy calling home to see how things are and to actually have a conversation... not just mum nagging me about something).
- having a regular Saturday job that gave me that wee bit of spare cash to buy myself that dress that I wanted or that extra coffee
- and speaking of coffees... discovering soy flat whites. I can honestly say that I drink coffee now (none of this mocha shit).
- an E. who has been able to make me fall even more in love than I thought possible

2014 should be an interesting year. It feels like the calm before the storm - before I uproot myself from this place and make one potentially significant decision. I am curious what this year will bring.