#lateentrysoz

Having no internet for ten days was honestly so hard. It's odd to think that I can't actually live happily without checking my Facebook every ten minutes... which is weird because I did live in an age before smartphones existed and in a time when you had to wait at least a minute before your dial up connection would let you onto the net. And even then, Neopets would take fucking forever to load (I was ten).

Anyway, belated wrap of the year: To be honest, I felt like I fell three steps behind in my life. Yes, I had just become registered as a pharmacist and then boom - back to student life. Granted it was a very comfortable student life, what with smoked salmon for dinner and a warm heated flat, but it was weird having no responsibilities again. Well, no adult responsibilities. And my main concern was trying to buy clothes that I previously had been able to afford on a pharmacist's salary on a student budget.

That sounds really shallow. But to be honest, my needs and focuses this year have been shallow - in comparison to the life changing goals I had for 2012. How do I put it... as a second year university student, my aims and goals for the year were sort of insignificant in the long run if you were to compare them to the ones I had made in 2012. Without sounding ungrateful (because I am still happy about them) or smug, yes - I wanted and got distinction in my exams at the end of second year med, yes - I achieved my goal weight and am on the way to losing more.
But in comparison to the aims that I had in 2012 - where I wanted to register as a pharmacist and get into medicine... it all just sounds like I'm swimming in the shallows. Like my life is on pause. But I suppose, I expected that when I chose to go back to study. I'm not saying that 2013 was a horrible year - because it wasn't. I really enjoyed 2013 because I liked meeting the friends I have now, the connections I've made and the new knowledge I've gained. I don't regret choosing medicine because I realise now how much I am looking forward to returning to class and learning more, but at the same time, there's a hint of wistfulness as I watch my peers move on with their lives - getting married, graduating, having jobs.

I'd like to move on with my life. But I think it's going to be on hold for another four years. That might be a good thing because that way, I truly am able to evaluate everything before rushing in and making life decisions that I may regret later.

I don't mean to sound melancholy in this retrospective reflection - because that's not the tone I meant to set. So what do I have to be thankful for?
- a pharmacy degree that set in me in good stead for second year medicine
- finding good friends and a study group
- having friends in their TI year who were willing to help me practice OSCE
- having a car. yes.
- my family for being understanding and my mother especially for being there when I needed a good chat (to digress - it's odd how one's relationship with your parents changes as you grow older. It's nice to know that I actually enjoy calling home to see how things are and to actually have a conversation... not just mum nagging me about something).
- having a regular Saturday job that gave me that wee bit of spare cash to buy myself that dress that I wanted or that extra coffee
- and speaking of coffees... discovering soy flat whites. I can honestly say that I drink coffee now (none of this mocha shit).
- an E. who has been able to make me fall even more in love than I thought possible

2014 should be an interesting year. It feels like the calm before the storm - before I uproot myself from this place and make one potentially significant decision. I am curious what this year will bring.

#byeflat

it took me nearly six hours, but this flat is finally clean. who knew it'd take that long to only vacuum, clean the bathroom and wipe down surfaces? i am washing this all down with a lovely Monteith's cider. also, i think i'm drinking this too fast because it's almost halfway gone in the space of five minutes.

i'm quite sad to be leaving my flat. i took its cleanliness, natural light, peaceful silence (except for when my neighbours are having sex) and warmth for granted this year. i've only realised as i've been shifting stuff into my new flat, which is in contrast: dark, dingy and somewhat weird smelling. except i have no one to blame except myself because i was over looking for a flat.
ah well, it's only a year and i have a group of flatmates whom i'm excited to be living with. that being said, i've enjoyed living with H this year and i've learned so much from H. this year and i have no idea how we managed to keep the place warm and our bellies fed with smoked salmon, bacon and egg pie, countless ciders and Dice Days on a student budget. somehow it happened - but hey, i'll be saving $30/week next year and that's enough for me to buy a coffee every day, should i wish.

yay. student living. i cannot wait until i am earning a wage. poor J, stuck in a student flat with three other students. i can somehow understand his rage. if only he'd been willing to move up here with me in my current flat. but what is done is done, so that's my second-to-last year done here - in what was perhaps my favourite flat of the three different ones that i've lived in.

#richbitch

Christmas with M. and her family was lovely. Her niece and nephews made my ovaries ache. I don't think I could handle three children (her sister did incredibly though), but it looked like a lot of work. So maybe two. That, and a dog will be enough work, methinks. J. came too, so it was initially a wee bit awkward, but after M's brother-in-law cracked a few jokes, it was just fine. The kids had a great time crawling over J. and using his leg and back as a runway for their toy planes, which was cute. If M. and J. ever have a family, I think yesterday was a foretaste of what it might look like. I'm grateful to M. and her family for taking me in for the day because for the last two Christmases, I've spent it with E. and his family. I was quite prepared to spend Christmas alone, but I really did enjoy myself yesterday. Also bonus: found where they sell ASIAN VEGETABLES here. In my six years in this city, I've always thought that it was too far south (and thus cold) for Chinese vegetables like choy sum and bok choy to grow (ignoring the fact that every time I went and ate at an Asian restaurant they served such vegetables - so I always assumed they just managed to grow their own limited supply). I digress. Anyway, after talking to M's mum, I found out where they sell them! Also, she gave me a massive container of delicious Asian soup. It was as close as home as I could get.

Boxing day sales were sort of ave today because it seemed that there wasn't anything amazing. Or maybe it was because H. has turned me into a fussier shopper - something that has helped me stick to my budget over this last year. Also the weather didn't help because there was constant drizzle, which in a way was more annoying than rain because drizzle is dense and so you're bound to get wet regardless.
Wasn't a failure utterly though - bought my first Ruby dress at a steal ($99), which I am rather stoked about. It also made me look a lot richer than I really was as I gallivanted from store to store.

I can't wait till New Years to see E. again.

#boxingday

i'm soooo ready for dem sales. also, WHEN WILL CLASS START? working for the last two weeks has made me realise how much i love medicine.



or simply how much i don't want to be a grown up and work.

#lightscameras

Have discovered that i am not particularly photogenic. although, knowing that E's parents were watching did also mean that i was rather tentative about feeling up their son in their presence.

#let'smoveon

Love. He makes me happy. To the point that motive is simply no longer something I care about.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

#lesigh

I can't believe a month as gone. It sucks.
As much as I love seeing E. again, I hate leaving home. I hate leaving my parents because every time I come home, I can see them age just a little bit more.
And it sucks.

Going away to study for the last six years has been like escaping reality - the reality of having a disabled brother, the reality of ageing, the reality of a future where you can't just rely on being able to age peacefully and gracefully.

Therein lies my problem - having been given the a-okay by daddy dearest, I have free rein to make a decision about where I want to go for my clinical years. But sometimes, free will is probably worse than tyranny because it feels like my head and my heart are pulling me in the most agonising way possible.