So, just when I had finally come to terms with living alone next year (albeit, surrounded by the beautiful things that I want, such as lanterns and scenty oils and whatnot), I find out that I may end up flatting again.
blaaaargh.
Also, I hate chi squares.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Day Two Hundred and Ninety Six
MUST. STOP. BUYING. CLOTHES.
sdkslkjsdfkjstfkjsdfkjsd.
Also, more depressing thought: I only have like... two and a half months before I am wearing a dispensing jacket for 21 days out of every month.
Ergo... why the hell am I buying so many clothes?!
sdkslkjsdfkjstfkjsdfkjsd.
Also, more depressing thought: I only have like... two and a half months before I am wearing a dispensing jacket for 21 days out of every month.
Ergo... why the hell am I buying so many clothes?!
Day Two Hundred and Ninety Five
Cotton wool. Cotton wool. Cotton wool.
Lol... the skeptic (or as the British spell it, sceptic) in me is betting that this only lasts for a week or so. I think I'll go and buy myself a new dress once he reverts back to being his usual self.
Lol... the skeptic (or as the British spell it, sceptic) in me is betting that this only lasts for a week or so. I think I'll go and buy myself a new dress once he reverts back to being his usual self.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Day Two Hundred and Ninety Four
Doubting no more.
At least, I shall try not to. Because every time I doubt, all I need to do is look at him.
Because when you see someone cry, someone who you once thought to be devoid of any extreme emotion, you would be convinced.
At least, I shall try not to. Because every time I doubt, all I need to do is look at him.
Because when you see someone cry, someone who you once thought to be devoid of any extreme emotion, you would be convinced.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Day Two Hundred and Ninety Three
Should we trouble the ghosts of memories past,
disturb the skeletons that hide in webs of lies?
For I fear that I shall find some secret horror;
and deal a final death blow to my faltering heart.
why am i upset? it comes down to this:
i am so, so afraid that he is lying to me. i almost don't want to know. and yet, i want to know.
fact: this happened two years ago
fact: whatever he feels for me now is deeper
fact: the boy who loves me now wouldn't hurt me
however, i don't know if i can forgive him if his actions were the result of emotional feelings towards another person. and this, this is what i am afraid of knowing.
disturb the skeletons that hide in webs of lies?
For I fear that I shall find some secret horror;
and deal a final death blow to my faltering heart.
why am i upset? it comes down to this:
i am so, so afraid that he is lying to me. i almost don't want to know. and yet, i want to know.
fact: this happened two years ago
fact: whatever he feels for me now is deeper
fact: the boy who loves me now wouldn't hurt me
however, i don't know if i can forgive him if his actions were the result of emotional feelings towards another person. and this, this is what i am afraid of knowing.
Day Two Hundred and Ninety One AND Ninety Two
I don't think I've ever seen such a look of remorse/self disgust on anyone's face before...
To be honest, my mind was made up the moment I knew.
And I know the more I think about it, the more I'm going to end up doubting myself. Doubting him. So I think I would like to stop thinking about it. I think. I think. I think.
I know that he has changed since then. I know that what he feels now is something that is real. I know that he truly regrets it.
Now all I feel is... sorrow. But I am also glad, so very glad, that this didn't ruin someone else's relationship before it even had a chance to begin.
(un)happy birthday, me.
To be honest, my mind was made up the moment I knew.
And I know the more I think about it, the more I'm going to end up doubting myself. Doubting him. So I think I would like to stop thinking about it. I think. I think. I think.
I know that he has changed since then. I know that what he feels now is something that is real. I know that he truly regrets it.
Now all I feel is... sorrow. But I am also glad, so very glad, that this didn't ruin someone else's relationship before it even had a chance to begin.
(un)happy birthday, me.
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