(untitled)

Torturing myself seemed the only way
but what hurt the most was your indifference.
I wondered if anything meant anything
and now I've realised that it all means nothing.

Actions are louder than words.

You'll do the things that you're required of
and invest in so much of your time.
I know the adage is the other way around
but sometimes I wish that your words
would be as loud as the actions that you do.
I thought I made peace with that once
but it seems that it has come back to haunt.
For I live in constant fear that one day
I'll have done too much for forgiveness
and despite the many words that I'll say,
the balance of the scales will tip irreversibly
the other way.

The happiness eater

I'd like to spit on your happiness and joy
for I wish to turn that curve the other way.
The day will come when you are no longer
a child of Sunday and full of blithely goodness
with a reason to have that ridiculous smile.
Until Wednesday comes along with a claim
I shall sit and wait for that day to leave me.

Note to self

must not watch movies even slightly scary before sleeping because going to work after no sleep is horrible.

Caged bird

Only a fool wanders into a cage
no matter how gilded it may be.
So like a caged bird that is caught
I seem to have caused myself grief.
No one sings unless they realise that
their misery is of their own doing.
For I know why the caged bird sings
a lament to its own stupidity
because there is nothing that it can do.

A new year

i almost forgot that the New Year heralds in New Year Resolutions. simply because i make them and then i forget them.
actually i used to something else on the first day of each year which i found a little more interesting. i would write myself a letter, seal it and then open on the very last day of the year. i for one, discovered that i have quite a lot to say to myself, which is funny because i spend a lot of the day talking to myself so you'd think i'd run out of things to say (i really should stop this practice because i get caught quite a lot talking to myself by randoms in public and they give me weird looks).

obviously, i'm not going to post my letter here because i'd rather not share the inner workings of my mind. but i hope you like the idea.

Herd immunity

Blogs are evil, evil things. this is my conclusion because they rear their heads like a many headed hydra... and no matter how often you slice off one head, another one is going to rear up in its place. No, i'm not talking about other people's blogs, but my own. this is a case of "hey, s/he recently updated hers... i feel the need to do the same". i feel like a sad lady. and once again, my blog has turned into a sad lady. i swear, you can actually draw a graph relating to the content of my blogs. they start off well enough... before descending into the depths of melancholy poetry, lamenting my life and the trials i have with thinking logically, while my other half obviously has no problem doing so. and this has happened to each and every single one that i've started.

well. poetry is piss easy to write. and when you get lazy with updating your blog, it's so much easier sprouting some lines as opposed to scratching one?s head for half an hour trying to think of something witty and intelligent to say. and i am a lazy person. i will admit that freely. because let's be honest, i think we all like to cut corners where possible. it makes sense. it'll get us to the same destination as the longer route BUT it saves us time and effort. double win. triple win because i like to secretly whine and poetry is a lovely route to do so because it doesn't sound so whiny. and it's awful fun being melodramatic, as i have been accused of once. but i assure you, each and every word is heartfelt. so if you ever are privileged to have some verses written about you, feel special. you're a work of art... done in the quickest of flashes.

i love facebook. i digress because i suddenly remembered something i could talk about so that i wouldn?t need to spend half an hour thinking of things to say. back to my point. facebook is wonderful because it makes me feel less of a freak. i swear, i was the only one who used to race raindrops down windows when i was a kid (i am also inclined to do so now in times of absolute boredom). or feel the need to always have a blanket on me when i sleep, no matter how hot it is. or i like to eat my big macs by splitting them in half and then eating each half individually because it makes them last longer. the last one is fictitious but i swear, there's probably a similar group on facebook. or, my left boob is bigger than my right one. something random like that. i also find relief that i am not the only one crushing on Sterling Knight or Dr. Robert Chase because this makes me feel that my taste in men is not as weird as i think it is. except this makes my marriage proposal slightly more difficult, what with all the rivals. ah facebook. it makes us feel so warm and safe in the nest that is herd immunity. i like knowing that there are other freaks out there because together, we're not individual freaks... we're just normal.

we'd like to think that we're slightly weird in some different and fantastic way, but there's probably another million odd people who have the same peculiar characteristic. and so like a herd, we move together. when someone posts, we all post. it's okay. it's just human nature.