#someoneturnedintotheeasterbunny

Fatty Easter weekend. But such an enjoyable one. I am in a much better space than I was for this last week.

#sucky

Why is this harder? Why do I just want to give up?

#insomnia

Couldn't sleep.

#dissection

I stepped into the dissection room for the first time today. Well, that's not quite right because I've been inside twice - my first time was when I went to have a look at the dissection competition and the second time was for the thanksgiving ceremony at the beginning of med orientation. But this was the first time that I had to stay inside the room and look at the various specimens.

I'm glad med school is introducing us slowly. I felt a little sick when I first walked in - probably because the smell of formalin/some sort of preservative was quite sickly sweet and managed to permeate through my senses. The dozens of body bags weren't as ominous as I first thought. I've always been a little frightened of dead bodies/the concept of death, so being able to banish that train of thought from my mind was quite good.

When they took us in small groups and unzipped a bag for us to look, I felt a little nervous at first. But then when I saw the face - I felt strangely happy. Well, not happy - just incredibly privileged to be able to use them. I couldn't stop smiling at the face because it was like a gift. And not even a morbid or macabre sort of gift. It was such a great experience being able to see how things were anatomically in the specimens that we did get to look at today and I'm looking forward to seeing how it's all orientated in the human body.

I think my stomach will probably keep churning for the next few sessions - but I don't feel so apprehensive any more. Just a sense of awe and immense gratitude.

#cheesinesssupreme

I am content. It's weird - even when I am happy, I find the need to angst for a bit. Angst just strikes a weird chord in me. I suppose it's because there is no true happiness in the absence of sadness. The contrast is needed in order for one to realise just how happy one is.

Yes, I am happy.

#joanlock

I want Lucy Liu's character to get together with Sherlock. There, I said it. Bite me.

#hollahrealdoctor

Shit just got real. Just purchased my stethoscope. And somewhere inside me, there is a gleeful child leaping around.



oooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaaah

#latestarts

Yay, 11am starts.


If this is what makes me happy, I really did pick the wrong profession.

Also, cheap thrills filling out the census form, particularly in answering the question: "In that job, what task or duties did you spend the most time on?"

I simply wrote: counting pills.


ALSO: creepy thought. It's been five years since first year. I'd happily say that first year of university was easily the best year of my life so far. I'd go back in time in a heartbeat, provided of course, that my friends followed me back in time as well.

#whyidecidedtogiveupmylifeforfiveyears

I don't know why people make such an effort to find a respectable answer to the question of "Why did you choose a career in healthcare *cough*beingadoctor*cough*"
I'm sure there are people who probably have the best intentions and just really want to help people but it grates me when people have to make up such bullshitty answers.

To be honest, I don't know why medicine.
I do know that I have had five years to think about it.
I know that I don't want to count pills all day and become an automaton.
I know that I want to have a greater say in patient outcomes.
I know I want to be a doctor because of the status.
I want more knowledge; with that knowledge, the ability to have the potential to determine how someone's life may or may not turn out.
I know that I want to know about the why.
I want to know what to fix the whys.
I want a job that will engage me.
Also, I hate teeth. But I'm okay with blood. I think.


I may not wrap my answer up in cotton candy, but I assure you, somewhere in there, I probably care just as much as you do. Probably even more.